Friday, November 19, 2010

Cherish the Day

Sometimes I get caught up in trying to get you guys to learn something about me rather than just typing what I think. That is why I don't have as many posting as I should. I use to type what I think and asked questions later.

You don't have to learn anything far fetching in my posting. I just want you to know a little bit about me because if you are reading this than more likely you are my good friends unless you like my soccer posts and in that case this post isn't for you.

I sit here at 4:35am Friday morning getting ready for the last work day of this week and I contemplate about a lot of things. Then I listen to music and numb my mind about everything that is going on. I remember telling one of my co-workers that I don't like thinking too far in advance because when I do that I end up having a major headache

And another thing is that how do I know that I will make another day. I could just not wake up from my sleep or I swerve off the road and not be seen again. Don't get it twisted I wrote down what I want to do in my future but at the same time I don't get wrapped up in those things bc there is a good possible that I won't make it there...

I wonder all the time why I get along with people who are older than me. There are people I get along with in my age group but I can carry a great conversation with people who have more experience than me. I don't understand it but I can't say that I don't like talking to those people because they are much more interesting than those who are young and think they are interesting enough. I guess the next step is looking for a sugar mama for me :) *shrug* hahahaha

I try to say that my life doesn't suck. I'd rather say that I am in a funk with everything. There are people whose life do suck and I definitely don't belong in that category. I get frustrated when people say FML when they have a exam they didn't study for or didn't make it to work on a day bc there are people who really should say that. Like those who get foreclosed on their house. or those who are already out of their houses and asking for change from people. Or kids who are stuck with drugged out parents and they don't know what to do with their lives..

Don't mean to get depressing just saying that compared to others, you're life is good and you better cherish the day instead of worrying too much about tomorrow.

Cat and Mouse

I am a spectator of these games of "cat and mouse" To be honest it isn't that I don't have the energy of being a "cat" in this game but it is more that I'd rather not be disappointed how I was in earlier posting (about two years ago or so). So now I try to watch and see how others play this game. Not so I can learn, just really for my enjoyment.

For some reason tonight, I got mad at one of the contestants. More because they were insistent of hanging out with one of the "mouses" and then didn't get any play and wanted me to sleep on the couch while the cat waits on the mouse to get home. So me being bull-headed and someone dumb decided that I am not going to be a pawn in this game. I left and now I am here.

Unfortunately I find someone that is now about a good 18 hours ahead of me and there isn't too much that I can do right now except for talk and hope and wish that I can see her someday (and she is no mouse in my opinion). Maybe? Hopefully? Until then I will watch you guys play this silly game of cat and mouse and I will laugh and at some occasions yell at you. HA HA HAAAA!!

I feel the picture is better than the whole posting in my opinion....

Monday, November 15, 2010

Insomniac's Hour

Sitting up on my couch, looking at my computer screen.

"Let's see no one's on facebook. There is no one that really wants to talk on facebook anyways."

Watch a few episodes of InTreatment. That show really drains me out after watching each episode. I try to gain a better understanding of people's thoughts how the "shrink" in the show does. So after watching about two episodes. I get tired of it and watch the Food Network for a few hours until paid programming comes on. Have to make money somehow.

It is 4am. I decide to bring my computer into the living room to connect to my xbox and play FIFA for the next few hours. Get on Xbox Live, talk unnecessary trash to people, and get angry when I miss a shot or get scored on. So I stop playing on the Internet, put my earphones on, listening to music and play on my career mode.

By the time I look at the clock, it is 6am. It is still dark outside but I decide to go on one of those runs where I think about my current happenings or lack there of. Run for about a hour or so. Shower, shave, then watch tv until I have to pick up the mail and start my work day.

This has been going on for a couple of days. I thought maybe I should drink a few beers so I would pass out but I decided against that don't want to become an alcoholic or anything. So I just stay up. I don't know what is going on with me lately. The last time I haven't really slept that much was in college but I had real stresses like studying for school and soccer. Now I just have work which doesn't stress me out and the imaginary stresses of being lonely and not having someone to talk to.

My mind has been wandering lately. Maybe I have been thinking of the wrong things. Thinking about myself is what I should be doing. Everybody else can wait just for a little bit until I figure myself out. Hopefully it will happen, nothing is impossible...

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Slowing Slipping back to Oblivion

I cannot point a finger to it. There are days where I am around all these people but I am still alone. My world has gotten smaller and smaller through time. I look at people through their different viewpoints and try to understand but I seem to come to the same conclusion about them (That conclusion I will speak about at a different date).

I was trying to hang out with my roommate and some of his friends in Raleigh last night (Friday) and I was already apprehensive about going out with them as is because we hardly have anything in common. So I decided to give it about thirty minutes before I leave. I get there and they all disappear their own ways and I just look around the bar and say this is no fun. Grabbed a soda to drink and within the next 15 minutes I drove home and played fifa for the rest of the night.

Usually I would say that it is effed up how people would ditch somebody but I can't blame them. They have their own agendas for their night like everybody else. Being angry at them really wouldn't serve me any purpose because I knew exactly what I was getting into. It is the same every other night I hang out with people. I know what I am going to get. I can pretty much tell you to a tee how the night is going to end up. Usually it ends up with me in a dark room alone trying to figure out why I put myself through most of this.

I would not say this is anything new of me. Usually if I am hanging out at a place like this I try to make my own fun out of the whole deal. Maybe find people to talk to or something like that. However this night I just didn't feel up to it. Laying on a couch staring at a TV screen seem more fun to me then staying out until two thinking that I am going to have fun.

I have been use to going out and thinking that night will be fun. I have all these thoughts about how the night is going to end up and usually end up being disappointed by it all and feel like it was a waste of time. When I stay at home, I can't really disappoint myself too much. Watch TV, play video games, surf the web, etc.. there is not too much you can be disappointed with. Maybe having the feeling on a dork for staying in on a Friday night by yourself but I am not going to let that stop me from doing what I want to do.

Slipping back Oblivion: I use to be real quiet, never hung out with anybody, and just really disappeared from people's thoughts for the longest time. The thing is that my feelings were never really hurt in the process of any of those things. Yeah people talk behind my back and all but I mean how am I going to ever know? People don't say anything to my face. So I am thinking why not try it? Slip back to the cave that I use to live in for so long. Resist the urge of going out and making a fool of myself like I seem to do lately. Think of ways how to make my life better for myself. I need to be a bit more selfish than I am. I only have so much time to live on this world before it is all gone...

Then what? I'll forever slip into oblivion. Then again I really don't mind the silence as it is anyway...

P.S: No, this isn't a drunken post. I just woke up to a message from a friend who typed how they felt at the time so that served as inspiration to type how I am feeling.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Deuce Freestyles

To represent his two goal game for Fulham against Wigan Athletic. I am going to show an interview of Clint Dempsey aka Deuce (I know it is three years old. He is going to show his flow on a freestyle. You didn't know soccer players can rap like this. I got a friend named "Lil Bobby" that can flow himself. He should get a record deal for sure.

Already I am going off the point. I am glad Clint has been representing the United States well during the last couple of months. Even though they have changed managers and players have come and gone. However Deuce has remained one of the consistent players for his club and he is a hard worker for his country also. So big ups to him and I'll leave this to you.

Those darn imaginary readers