Saturday, April 25, 2009

The Nonsense 13: Life's Good however would love not to be alone

Earlier I said that I have a very negative outlook on life. And in fact I do. However that does not mean that I think that my life is bad or worse off then others. I know that my parents were definitely worse off than myself. I know that my dad worked hard as hell to get his future children out of the situation that he was in. (He actually could have played in the NFL, trust me, he kept the envelopes of the teams who contacted him)

When I feel sad, it's more about not having someone to share my fun with. I mean my friends are cool and each and every one of them (only a few) are my friends for life. But I always want someone that has something in common with me. That will be there whenever I am feeling down and can have trust in me to talk to me whenever they aren't feeling well.

I know that there aren't really people out there that trust me enough to talk to me. I'm not really mad at that. I understand that you have better friends than me to talk to and you should definitely talk to them before you talk to me. However I consider myself more as a therapist, in that I'm not going to spread shit about you and I want to understand everything you are coming from because honestly I probably have the same thing going on with me. Whenever I hear a girl/guy that are friends with me talk about somebody who keeps on trying to talk to them (maybe they just want to talk) and they are like this person is very annoying and I don't want to talk to them. I feel like I've been in those same situations because there are times where if I don't talk to anybody first and then nobody talks to me at all and whoever does talk to me then I get excited because I know that hardly anybody (at a spur of the moment) talks to me and sees how I'm doing. So if I do that then I apologize because I do get excited when people are interested in what I am doing and probably I get too excited about these things that I might go overboard. I'm deeply sorry about this.

I can't front and say from time to time I get sad about being alone (and alcohol is a depressant by the way) but whenever I do go home alone most of the time I understand what is happening at the moment and I'm not going to try to force women to possibly do something that they don't want to do because I can read people's body languages for the most part and understand that if they want to talk to you and keep in touch then they will make sure that they will do this. If they don't, it really isn't worth the trouble of trying to force yourself upon a someone...And people talk about confidence. Some of this said "confidence" is definitely false ones unless the person is interested in you to begin with. If they aren't then whatever confidence you have doesn't mean jack shit. Okay wrong subject for the wrong time....

I'm going to end this convo on a random note just cause. I think my mom is on facebook now and either two things are going to happen.

1) I'm not going to add her as my friend because she will definitely be able to see the things I've done
2) I have to delete facebook completely because I did tell somebody whenever my parents got on facebook that is when I have to get off of facebook.

Friday, April 24, 2009

The Nonsense 12: My Last Classes Ever?

Yesterday, I took my final classes as an undergraduate student. I had a geology lab final and I was real nervous about it. I know as long as I did alright I would most definitely pass the one hour course. I didn't do too well on the midterm, my quizzes sucked ass, and I BS-ed my lab assignments. However I put a good amount of studying in before the Thursday final and even went out on Wednesday (I cannot turn down a game of beer pong, I just can't do it). The final was relatively easier than I expected and I'm glad that I did not have to ID rocks because if I did then I would have been in huge trouble. All we had to do is look at several maps (this is at the end of the final) and tell what is on the map. Being a geography major, that is right up my alley so I balled out on that and knowing that my TA was going to try and grade all the exams by the end of that day, more than likely I could have bullshit on a couple of topics and got answers right (have to play the game right?).

I waited until about 5pm and checked on blackboard and I got a solid 89 on it and I looked at the rest of my grades and figured out that I could possibly make a B on this joint. After hardly doing anything, I can salvaged my gpa just a little bit. Today I checked again and saw that I did get a solid B (after two of my worse labs were taken off) and now I'm just laughing because I totally did a horrible job in general on the course.

I must be somewhat smart for the simple fact that I can do the "minimum" and get a B out of it. I know it would not work at most other places however I got somewhat luckily and that happens every so often. I know in my next exam that I would probably not be able to get away with the same stuff that I did for my lab. Meaning that I probably won't get a B (more likely a solid C+ would do) but I'm perfectly fine with it because it has been too long and with the pushing of my parents and others I'm about to be done with college forever......

Well at least from what I thought. I had this discussion with my mom on the phone last night and she was telling me about looking into going to graduate school. My eyes almost popped out of my head. I was not thinking about graduate school. At all. I know that it would be helpful but I don't think that right after I graduate I do not need to have graduate school in my head at this moment in time. Luckily they will pay for it because that would be the only reason ever that I would think about graduate school. I think they have this notion that I would make more money with a graduated degree also which I cannot argue honestly. It is probably true but I don't think more schooling at this time will make me feel good. I am going to need some time off and....

What else tells me that I need time off before I think about grad school is the fact that I did slack off for the last two semesters of my undergrad. I know that school will be much harder than what I did. I have been talking to some of my friends who are currently in graduate school and they are totally hating life at the moment. I know that I would have the same outlook on things plus I need to be refreshed and motivated to do more schooling because I know if I went straight into it then it would not be the best thing for me or my parent's money.

Even if I decided to do grad school, it would more than likely not be in UNC. I enjoyed my time being here don't get me wrong about that. I just need a change of scenery though. This has been the only thing that I've known for about five years and it has worn me down (The Nonsense 9). Going somewhere else and meeting different people would be the only way that I would enjoy my graduate school education.

I have lots to think about. I'm not going to try and think about it for now though because I have one final exam left and that is where my attention has to be. So when everything is said and done, I'll be a UNC graduate. It's weird because I'm sure 10 years ago I would have never thought about going to UNC let alone graduating from this university but saying that I'm a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill makes me smile inside.

Monday, April 20, 2009

The Nonsense 11: 4-20

Well, today is the day. I think for the first time of my life I plan on just saying eff it and smoke some marjiuana to celebrate this spectacular day. I told myself that I would never do it but what do I have to lose now? I'm currently not doing much of anything except for finishing school. I'm not playing soccer anywhere at the moment. So I might as well know how it feels like to get high for a change. I know people that like it and I don't think it is too harmful. Just makes you hungry and chill. Which I am all the time.

I'm going to make sure I get my work done first before I light up. And oh I need to buy that Asher Roth album because he did tell me on his PSA that I need to buy the album, get baked, listen, and enjoy.

I'm going to be entering a new portion of my life so I might as well do all the crazy things while I'm young and dumb like A-Rod and I can grow up later but for now, I'm not going to get my life together today :P

Man, I need to stop bullshitting.....I don't even like Asher Roth.

Okay more bullshit, you stoners enjoy your day. I'm going to enjoy mine drug-free like I always do. Unless I get sick and I'm going to have to be popping pills other than that peace out.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

LOL...umm my bad

I don't want any of you to blow yourselves. You guys are good, I was just hungry and wanted something to eat. I was pretty hyped about eating cookout last night and when it didn't happen a piece of me died inside. (Well not really) I did have to find something fridge to calm myself down while everybody was passed out. And everybody thought that I would be the one passing out. I do not pass out too easily. Somebody's got to knock me out. Plus my spot on the couch was taken by two people at the time and I couldn't really wake them up.

Well back to the subject because I did go off to something else. Sorry about the blow yourselves comment. I don't hate anybody. I dislike people and its only a couple of people but whatever things happen. I'm going to watch a high quality football (soccer) match between Blackburn and Stoke City.....Ehhh shoot me now...

The Nonsense 10: Confidence

I've asked a young woman, how do some guys come up to young ladies and somehow get their girl. And she answered and said confidence helps. I read this blog post (i won't put anybody on the spot) but they said that confidence is what helps guys. How about if the guy is ugly? or unattractive in your opinion? How can confidence help this person? I mean if they are ugly how can someone ever like them. right? I find that excuse as bullshit!! because you can be confident and find absolutely nothing and you can be un-confident and find the person that you want. I am in the in between stage. I don't find myself as attractive because the times I was confident the women still didn't want anything to deal with me. This is no attack on one person, I find it laughable that there is somebody for everybody, because I see a lot of people that do not have anybody.

Someone wants to say that this post might be about myself. Well it might be, however the times that I've been confident and went up to young women things went wrong and the other times that I didn't do anything and didn't have the "confidence" to do anything and women came up to me. So what I'm saying is that confidence has something to do with if you are the "beautiful people". If you are the ugly people, you better be able to play football, basketball, or rap, other than that you are going to be like me. Sitting here on an early Saturday morning (2am) taking about how you can't get absolutely anything.

New greeting: Goodnight people, I hope you blow yourselves

P.S. I want some damn Cookout and I'm getting nothing to eat. Soo pissed right now

Drizzle F.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Nonsense 9: Campus Life

I decided today to go on campus and wait around for my lunch on Franklin Street and I just find the ridiculousness of people's conversations and what people do. It is just interesting to see all this put together and it will be one of the reasons why I will not go back on campus.....Well if I don't have to.

Everytime I see people holding hands, I just want to do the liu kang flying kick and kick both of them simultaneously. It's not that I'm just lonely or anything but come on, do all that on your own time. I don't need to see that every 30 seconds from different people.

You might want to say that I'm lonely and want somebody hand to hold but that really isn't it. I just feel like walking together is enough and it isn't like somebody is just going to snatch your girl/boy and run away. You all weight too much for that.

Frat boys, what is with the khaki shorts? Is there some sort of code for this? I don't even have to see you at your frat house to be able to tell that you are in a frat. Then just hearing them talk, "We are about to go crazy this weekend. We are about to go to some sorority and wreck shop."

Okay the latter I made up but how does this behavior start. Your pops was in this same frat and you've had a silver spoon in your mouth forever. You feel entitled to think that you are better than everyone else. I know this doesn't stand for everyone in a frat however often when I do see these guys I just have to be like, somebody needs to smack you to reality and tell you that you still have to do work. Maybe when you cannot find a job after college then that would show up. But then again you have your father to fall back on right.

I overheard this conversation when I was waiting for class to start and these two girls were talking about where they are going to live next semester. And they were talking about neighborhoods in Chapel Hill and they referred to a couple of neighborhoods as "bad areas". And I wonder what constitute as a bad area? I know the general population of these neighborhoods and they are African American and I wanted an explanation of why they thought these areas were bad. Maybe they could have said high crime rates. That could be true, I'm not going to say that it is but someone can run up on you at anytime. Another student can come out the bushes and rob you without you even knowing that it is a student. I know that these are just examples but I just don't think that you need to say. This neighborhood is bad without saying why exactly is the reason because without the reason then it makes others think that they are bad areas just because African Americans live there.

I will give you an expample on how you can use this. In Atlanta, I would say that I was living in a bad apartment complex. For one thing, someone robbed another person in broad daylight, there was a drug dealer living below me, one of my teammates lived in the back of the complex and there were random people coming in and out of an apartment (black, white, and hispanic) and my teammate told me that none of them actually lived there because during the day they checked inside and the place was pretty run-down and looked like someone just left their shit all around. And during 5am one night, I saw a pimp with one of his "employees" and they were talking. It was funny because the pimp had a crazy lookin hat on.

Now except for one time, I hardly mentioned race and you can make your own decisions of what group of people lived there but I think you need to be careful when you say that one area is a bad area because in a way you might be acting somewhat racist (whether you're black or white)

-You heard that somebody got shot at BW3s?
-Somebody got shot at BW3s
-What has the world gone to? I cannot even get my 35 cent wings without getting shot.

I have nothing to say about that convo I just overheard it on my way to class and thought it was funny.

You have to be careful what you say. People are always listening. You never know what you might say to somebody and then all of a sudden you are in deep trouble with the words you speak. Just be careful.

And I have one more week of classes and I do not plan on going back to the Pit, Quad or anywhere like that. I've got a lot stories from you guys as it is :P

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Nonsense VIII: The Curses of My Mind

Warning: I don't plan on editing so whatever mistakes I make I'll apologize now.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I’ve been telling myself over and over again to stop thinking because everytime I think about something, I end up doing it and everything I’ve done lately has been a failure. Okay, not everything but most of the things I do. I just feel like either lacing up the sneakers and going running or put on the boots and play soccer (kick the shit out of people also). It would make me feel better at least. I do not like the idle time I have on my hands going on twitter, facebook, and etc. Then I have those wild thoughts in my head. I let one slip out and then all hell breaks loose. Oh well it’s what I deserve

Sometimes I wonder if my parents are meaning to sabotage what I do. I know they aren’t but the things they do make me wonder. I have to talk to my dad about my soccer situation because he is more understanding of what I need to do. My mom wants the most convenient situation which I cannot do because I’m not anyone in this business right now and I need to make my way from the bottom. If I have to go to some foreign place far far away then I’m going to do it and try to enjoy it. It was funny on Saturday, my mom was showing the commencement papers that we got in the mail and she was asking me what are they going to put on my diploma. I’m like ummm Geography?? I’m pretty sure I am a Geography major. Well she shows me these list of receptions where they show all the majors’ receptions and Geography wasn’t there. And she was arguing with me of what they are going to put on my diploma due to this reception list. I’m like look mom, I am a Geography now if you don’t see Geography on this reception list, maybe they aren’t having a reception for Geography undergrads. And she just did not believe me at all and I just had to walk away my dad was laughing away because he knew what was up. I don’t think she’s stupid or anything, I just think they listen to whatever they want to listen to. However I cannot help it that they don’t have Geography up there, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t going to put Geography on my diploma it just means that there might not be a reception (And I hope there isn’t, I just want to get this over as fast as possible)

I hope that made sense by the way

I don’t know how many more post I will write this month. I don’t really know of anything to write about. I haven’t been in one place for so long to do it. One of my boys got a puppy pitbull, I cannot wait to see it soon and I have two more weeks of classes (Four classes) and then I will try to go on an adventure. Hopefully..... I don’t want to try and find a job right now, I’d rather leave this country for a while.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Nonsense VII: Blank piece of paper

Yesterday I found myself locked out of the place that I was currently saying at. It was my fault, I didn't clarify when I was going to be back at the place and everybody was out of the house. I first decided to do some of the lab assignment that is now completed. After I did part of the assignment (the other half was on my laptop), I decided to pick up a piece of paper and I tried to doodle like I did in the past. Well it was 10 minutes later and yet I have not written anything on the paper and it just made me ask the question: Has all the imagination gone out of my head? I was never the best drawer in fact the only art class I took I needed my brother and sister to help me out. However from time to time I could pick up the pen and draw the most ridiculous things. I use to try to draw my own comic strips. They were usually of some super hero, I forgot the name of it at the moment. (I was trying to get my Watchmen on) If I didn't do the comics I would draw soccer players doing bicycle kicks and stuff like that. I made a fictious league and just talked about match reports on my drawings, Yeah they were also ridiculous. Or if I can't find anything to draw, I would just draw random things like a person on a spaceship or a person with spiky hair or just anything random. I use to have all these random thoughts in my head, they sometimes don't make sense, well most of the time they don't make sense. However it bothers me that I just can't pick up the pen and draw or even write anything. My handwriting has been degrading over time because everything I do is on the computer. And I do not even think about drawing because when I'm bored in class, I would just pick up my laptop and start tweeting or looking up facebook. I guess the pen and paper isn't like it use to be.

Those darn imaginary readers