As I sit here, I try to reflect about who am I exactly. It's difficult in trying to find a meaning of yourself because if you are a humble person, you sell yourself shorter than you actually are. Then again, if you're cocky, then you make yourself larger than life and unless you're Obama or Oprah, then that's just not the case.
Trying to find that medium. Being humble sometimes and then not being humble at other times. Most of us want to be liked by everyone. We want to do everything in our power to make sure people like us. It is the same with the humble and the cocky. Those that are humble usually concede to those and be nice to everyone around them just to be accepted. The cocky ones try in a different matter. They try to show how much they are better than others at certain things and hopefully others will become impressed with their abilities.
I bring this up because I read a facebook note in my "distant" past that I wrote talking about these two extremes. I've experienced both of them. Most of you know me as the humble, quiet type now, but I did have a cocky side that has been put to the shelf hopefully for a while. Or should I say confident side? Cockiness and Confidence can go hand and hand. Most of the time I was perceived as cocky and they were right to think that. I've done some embarrassingly stupid things due to my cockiness. And I've let pride get the best of me at certain times at my life. Not proud of it but I've learned from it.
I continue to try and find a medium. In this world that I live in I need to be self-confident in myself to succeed in this life. There are times where I go somewhere and the first thing I think about how is: how much better than me this person is? I shouldn't think about that. Nor should I think automatically: Oh I'm way better than this person already, I can just see it in him that I'm better than him. My thinking should be more of. Okay. I don't know this person's ability, but I'm going to try in my power to out-work him and out-play him and put myself in an advantage. Someone can be a better person than you in certain things, however if you put in the work and try to master the things that you aren't as good in, then you can be on par or be better than that person.
I'm still often apologizing for things that aren't in my control sometimes. I'm learning that apologizing isn't always necessary (sometimes it is) and just because you apologize it doesn't make it right or you liked more. '
I'm just going to go out and do things the best way I can and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Shit happens. I'm going to continue to grow and be a better person whether I fail at certain things or I succeed at others. I can't just give up because things aren't working out.
I wanted to do a little self-reflecting since I've got lots of time to do so. I think that you can handle my thoughts and I don't think that these thoughts are extra-personal for you to hear them from me. Some of you might have these thoughts of yourself and I feel that if you've had these same thoughts and you aren't necessarily ranting all over the post then it is fair game to put on here. I'm not ashame of what I put on here. It is just an extra outlet of my life during this current time. As of now, I am empty of thoughts for current blog topics so any suggestions would be nice or you can catch me on my twitter site (twitter.com/aht4005). I often say thought-provoking things on there (LOL uhh not really though).
If there's anything of interesting, I would put it on. Otherwise, keep thinking, don't let your mind rest for one second or something will pass you by.
"Your priorities can change, even when you don't think they will."
-AS
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