The Start of Reevaluating

I feel that I try to find miserable situations. I am pretty sure that I haven't really felt happy in a long time. I am not trying to make me feel bad about myself or you feel sorry for me. I just feel a difficulty of feeling happy at this point in time.

I guess it is sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I want to be miserable, then I am going to be miserable. I don't want to feel pissed off over anything. However it comes easier than being happy about things. Shouldn't it be the other way around?

I wish that I could say that it was because of this day or anything along those lines. However I have not been feeling right for a long time. I mean there are certain moments where I am content about things. Then these moments disappear in a blink of an eye. And I am back to be dissatisfied about things.

I guess it isn't healthy either to find a quick fix to my problems. I am guilty about doing that at times. I think I can find one thing or another to keep me happy for a day or a weekend. Once that passes I often get more angry than before. I think I need a break from everything. I don't know if what I am doing now is working.

I always talk about re-evaluating my life as a joke but now I think I am going to have to start doing that. This (my life) is not working. I can't go through life in an unhappy state all the time. I know that and understand it. There is only one end for those people and I don't really want that for me.

Maybe I need some sort of guidance, I haven't been helpful on that front. I don't want someone telling me what to do maybe I just need someone to point me in the right direction. Every time since about 2008, I have pretty much made a lot of wrong turns and decisions that has got me back to zero.



I think I like writing things like this on my blog site just for a bit of understanding. I don't know if many of you understand how I feel when I am not around or talking to you. I feel at least a bit more comfortable when people at least know a bit more about me. I am not really comfortable about talking about it and maybe I need to. I don't think that I want to show any of my weaknesses if I do talk about it.

Just searching for a normal life, if I know exactly what that is...