Trying to lose myself

Today, I meant to go for a walk and think about some things. I started to feel somewhat frustrated about things that were happening around in me or for that matter just in my world right now. So I picked up my earphones and my camera (because I wanted to talk pictures of things also). A strange thing happened to me.

Normally when I think about things, I get upset about it and feel like shit for a few hours then get over it. However this time it didn't happen like this. The music helped me cloud out these things whether it's perceived or not and taking pictures kind of made me forget about what was going on around me. By the time I ended my walk I wasn't unhappy or midly disappointed, I was more ready to get on with the world and do things that can help myself and my family.

I don't know whether I'm heading into a new phase in my life or it is just an one off deal and I'll be back to my usual self and being mad because this or that is happening to someone else and not me. While I'm in New Zealand, I've had the freedom to think for myself and to express myself in many different forums. Doing things that I never thought that I would do, whether sober or drunk. But it's helped me learn who exactly am I. And when I get back home people can take it for what it's worth. If they want to make an concerted effort to be my friend (like I do) or do they just want to be friends only if it is convenient to them.

If the latter is the case then, I have but no choice rather than to shut you out of my life. I don't really need to deal with those people. I'd rather deal with the two or three people who won't ask for everything all the time or they'll just strike up a conversation with you even if it's the most random mess that anyone's ever heard before.

So I've got about four weeks left in this country before I head back home and that will start the test of whether I've grown up a little bit or I'm the same little kid who gripes about anything that doesn't go his way. We will see. Well I will see at least...