I've been working out and thinking about things and I must say that this year has just been a year of mistakes. From the beginning all the way down until this point. From being unfit to being not fit for school or the people around me. I thought I was doing everything for myself but in all reality and the most part I was doing things for others around. I currently have no job and the problem is that I am going to need to pay rent in the next couple of weeks and no shit I need to find a job. However It is hard for me, I just don't think I have the skills that many others do. I can't sell anything because I am not the best people person and I can't just read off of a script of some sort. I've tried to get a job at grocery stores believe or not but I have not heard a word from any of them. So I am just stuck here going to school but all I have money is for gas and the occasional food. Here comes my other problem, in the summer I took a visit to Chapel Hill and I watched some of the guys play and then I saw my coach and he said that if I came back to school that my grant will still be there and I will get money. He didn't really tell me that for some reason getting a professional soccer contract in the United States apparently means that you cannot get money from the school. Now it was probably my mistake for not telling him to check and make sure because if I knew from the beginning I was not getting any money, I don't care how much of a good idea it was I would not have taken it and gotten a part-time job in Greenville and would have paid for my schooling that way and I would not be currently stuck in the jam that I am currently in.
In the Spring, I had the decision to go to Atlanta or possibly being in L.A. potentially (it wasn't a done deal or anything). And I thought maybe being close to "friends" and family would help me out so I decided to head closer to home. And it was okay to begin with I wasn't playing alot which I had to get over after a while but the thing that really got me was just how many friends I thought I had and how many that I really have. And if I knew that I was basically going to be lonely to begin with then I would have probably just stuck my ass all the way across the country and maybe met up with cool people or something. I will try not to go too much until details with anything else because it will turn into more ranting of people who I don't think hate my guts but just don't want to talk to me or hang out with me.
The rest....Are too personal and still eats away so quite frankly I will keep them in my brain and kill it with working out as hard as possible and being focus on the tasks at hand. I don't mean to rant on this I just wanted to let you know that 09 is a new year and it is about time that I listen and consult myself rather then listen to what people say. Cause like I've realized with most of the people that I was associated with "Out of sight out of mind." Unless they say shit behind you telling their friends that he needs to hang out more or whatever. Like I say it'll be more ranting. I have a phone/facebook/AIM/gchat/twitter whatever else. It ain't hard to get in touch with me
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