Thursday, December 18, 2008

and you wonder why I hate being bored.

"It gets so confusing this game,
I met alot of girls but never felt this way,
I get strange pleasure though from going through this pain,
and like a ghost I'm haunting her,
I often fantasize about walking hand in hand
But I don't know her name or if she's got a man,
and the only thing that gives me hope to stay
is maybe one day she'll notice me"

I was talking to my boy about something that I was kind of confused about and he gave me a good explanation on what might be going on in a person's head so I decided to let it go and not get too attached because they might get what they are thinking out of their system, which is reasonable.

So Tuesday, didn't have anytime to think about anything. Went running, china buffet, packed up and cleaned up a lil of the apartment and then went to indoor. I was actually kind of ballin out in indoor. It was borderline cultured what I was doing actually, I was kind of scared about that. Then I went out with a couple of the guys afterwards and didn't really think about anything during that time either so that was cool. Yesterday (Wednesday) I made the journey back to Greenville and that's where my mind started wandering. Another problem I had some R&B songs on that probably magnified it. So I decided to put on some mindless rap on to just not think about absolutely anything, that actually worked out and then I got home. Decided to take a nap and then head to the gym to work out. She was vaguely on my mind during my workout session, I was actually thinking about next year and where I might actually be. So no problems there. I think it started to hit me at about around 10 tonight when I was just sitting there with my headphones on (so I didn't have to hear my parents questioning) And I would find myself on facebook looking at somebody's profile like I was suppose to be there. It's ridiculous really. Now I am sitting here watchin soccer because I can't get back to sleep and yet I find her in my thoughts.

I don't think it really is an attachment. I think it is mostly just somebody to think about, because it has been a while since I've thought about anyone like this. Yeah it has. So maybe it is just a cycle that I am going to have to get out of. Maybe she'll forget about me, then I can actually forget myself.....

I like the fact that I am trying to actually convince myself out of shit. Like everything in my life I think I will let this run its course. If it runs away from me, then cool, if it runs straight towards me, then that'll be cool. I don't know I just hate being bored because it's easy to think about things like this while you have a lot of idle time. Hmm, well what would help me stop thinking about this person is not using my computer. Hiding it somewhere until I actually begin to forget, work on getting my 360 fixed, and waiting for my sick hat to get here. Who am I kidding I can't live without my computer let's be foreal. I guess my mind will have to wonder for a couple of more days...

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