It's 5am and I can't go to sleep......Oh I'm ranting

There is no real reason why I am up right now. I tried to go to sleep at 1am but I just ended up waking up at 3:30 and now it's 4:30 and I'm still up and now listening to music. It probably doesn't help that I am listening to music because it is distracting me from sleeping and forcing me to think about stuff that I try to block out of my mind. I wish I could just snap on people however I felt like snapping on people. You know it would just make me feel a lot better about myself to just say whatever I feel and just be like yeah that is how I feel. However I try to keep some sort of hope and maybe it is a false hope on my part. Maybe just maybe I want to make it seem like i want these people to like me and when they do not like me. I can go off on them on my own personal way and use that has motivation to work harder on my training and the other stuff that I do. It's probably crazy and I probably should not do these things to myself but it really doesn't pain me as much as I make it out to believe. It's kind of discourage about people but it doesn't pain me. Oh well, I can play the game

I had this big speech about a certain couple of people but I think I really got what I asked for from these people. Keeping a certain distances from me as far as possible because there is a chance that I am some sort of crazy that they don't want to mess with. Well guess what I am crazy and you should not mess with me ever. And if you see me somewhere you should not come up to me and give these fake talk and say anything, you should turn around and go the other way because I know that is exactly what you want to do. You know better yet, I'll help things out and turn the other way myself so you don't have to make the decision for yourself because I know how hard it is for you to make decisions about "hurting people's feelings" Then again, I probably won't see you again as it is. Exams are here and I am not going into Chapel Hill except for exams so congratulations to you, you finally have me out of your system. Cheers.

I'm not on the sympathy tip, I don't really want that in fact I really want to infuriated people. I want people to be mad at me. I want the hate to spill out. However you will roll on your way with a fake gester that really thinks will make me feel better. F that, I rather see you mean mug me, spit on my face and say I hate your guts. (I know what you are thinking, I'm not in the mood for that now- he knows) At least I can say, wow this person really doesn't like me, all your fake babble won't be worth it to your time anymore and then I can spit on your face and say that I hate you too and smile right back at you because I know you hate seeing my smiling face. So I am going to keep on smiling. You are going to have to wipe that off my face now.