Go D.J. that's my D.J.

I'm sure Steven Gerrard was not saying this in a bar early Monday Morning. In fact him and his friends were beating the shit out of him because the DJ did not play his favorite song. Now the debate starts should he keep his England place for this. We all know that his play warrants him being in the squad but as for a role-model standpoint, do you want little kids to look up to him? And I'm sure that is the question the English FA and Fabio Capello are asking themselves. I'm sure Stevie G isn't a bad guy but when things like this happen you have to wonder how kids will look up to him and they might follow his example.

Now dre, what about John Terry, he has been in trouble before and now he is England's captain

True and honestly that is a very good reason why Stevie G should keep his spot. However even though John Terry is the captain of England, how many people actually know or care about John Terry. JT is an overachiever in my opinion who probably exceed anyone's expectations. And if you were to say who is the better center back b/t him and Rio, I think people who know about the game would say Rio. However Stevie G has a bigger aurora around him then JT and this could affect the team in negative ways too. People would have to answer questions about it and people would debate whether he should actually be in the squad for the time being

I don't think anything will happen to him. I don't think he'll lose his spot completely. I'm sure Capello will make an example out of him and leave him off the starting lineup for the friendly against Spain in February but I don't think he'll be in exile and honestly who in England is going to care what he does. I mean me and a Stevie G supporter were joking about the whole thing and I'm sure others will be too so I'm guessing what will happen is that he'll get a slap on the wrist, maybe a 30 day suspended jail sentence and then we'll all forget the whole thing within the next year.

Not going to lie. I'm tired of this British Nonsense

No disrespect to the English Premier League. I love watching the Big Four and for that matter Aston Villa, Manchester City, (b/c Robinho, Stephen Ireland, and SWP) and basically a team with an American on it (meaning Everton and Fulham). However I can deal without watching games in the Premiership without the struggling teams playing each other. It may be exciting to the fans of these teams but honestly it is just not good soccer, At all. All I see teams do against the big four is lump long balls and hope for free kicks. That is how they are going to get their results but as a neutral watching most of these games I cannot stand watching these games. It begins to hurt my eyes and then my mom would yell at me for a) "WHY AREN'T YOU WATCHING THIS GAME? and b) STOP SLEEPING ON THE COUCH. Because honestly I would either be putting on the headphones and listening to music or passing out on the couch.

I know people will hate me saying it but I would rather watch mid table Spanish La Liga matches then watching mid table EPL games. At least the ball stays on the ground for the most part. You see lots of dribbling in these games but also you'll see nice passing too. I love the chance when I get to go to a house with DirecTV and the people I stay with have GolTV and I'm on the tube watching some soccer and enjoying myself. Instead of going home and all I have is Fox Soccer Channel and now the Italian Serie A is on winter break. So all that is going on is EPL action. I know the English people (the ones I know support the Big Four, hmm bandwagoners!) that I know will give me a hard time but honestly don't you cringe sometimes when an mid- to low level team comes on your schedule because you know exactly what you are going to see.

My New Years Resolution

Since undoubtedly, I will be in bed while everyone celebrates the New Year. I will discuss my new years resolutions to myself because I hate writing things down and I know they will never be seen again so I'd rather type them down on a post so I can at least remember it.

09 is all about ME
I've always tried to make sure others were okay before worrying about my own health. If someone feels down or is having problems I try to go out of their way to make them feel better. Well the problem with this is that no one cares what I do or say. I mean I don't see many going out of their way to do the same or for that matter just seeing how I am doing. So I worry about myself and myself only because I need to make sure my health is right because when I'm gone I don't know if any one would know. "Out of Sight Out of Mind"

165-170lbs
I don't plan on dieting for it. I just plan on running myself to get back into peak conditioning so when I go out to play. I can be leaner, stronger, and faster than I have before. It isn't that I feel like I am fat or anything I just want to feel better about myself and to be fit for anything that comes along. Who knows I might do a marathon soon right.

Goodbye Fringe Friends
To all those people that I try to keep in touch with on facebook and such just to say how you are doing. I am going to wish you a good life and hope the best for you. I am not going to bother you anymore. It's obvious from the responses that you don't want to hear it so for all that I am going to let ya go. I won't delete anybody from my facebook or anything. That is just stupid but you won't hear from me. I know in your New Years parties you can celebrate that also. You people know exactly who you are I don't have to name any examples.

Not letting you win
Now the previous resolution is going to be hard because I honestly feel isolated when noone ever talks to me so I get back on facebook and AIM to talk to people to feel like someone cares when they in all reality don't. So I'm promising myself to not let you win. If I ever don't hear from anybody again, Well I know what these people are about and I will not be surprised. You aren't winning

Getting over having to go out
More about the isolation of my life. I feel like I have to "socialize" to feel important and going out is another thing that I think that I should do. a) it's a waste of money which I probably need and b) the feeling almost everytime I go out just makes me regret going out. So I mean I'll go out occasionally but hopefully I won't feel the need to go out all the time anymore.

Well I'm sure you are making your plans of going out to your various New Years Eve spots. So have a good time and enjoy your friends. I'm sure to be knocked unconscious by the night medicine I will take and no I'm not sick.

Can I get my 360 back please?

I know it is Sunday and I am sure that there's no possibility of them fixing it now, but the boredom has increasingly taken over my body. I can no longer listen to my parents babble on about useless nonsense or commentate on things that they have little knowledge about and then asking me to explain to them about these things when in all reality I am not listening at all. Yeah I just don't listen anymore, now I just sit there, looking for places to find a job because I need one. Oh here they go again, arguing over getting the phone. Can someone get the phone and just deal with it. I don't understand anything anymore. I just go off in my own world and not pay too much attention. You know friends would be nice but I probably should not bother them with my nonsense anymore. So my old reliable buddy is my 360 who is currently in Texas getting fixed or at least the repairs are in progress. Now I am searching for a new video game possibly or just something to keep me away from facebook which is virtually impossible because every time I type. I would type F first and then the rest is history, I'm on my profile wondering how I got there and knowing that this was not my real purpose of getting on internet explorer but I do. Oh well just pray for 360 being fixed within the next week or so. Peace

What's in My Head Nowadays

Christmas has come and passed. Now like everyone else I'm getting ready for the new year. And hopefully some new beginnings. I'm still in Greenville just hanging out. I find it hard to do anything but sleep, play soccer, work out and then do that all over again. Many of friends are hard to come by currently around here. Even though I did hang out with some people last night and that was fun. Today I just let the hangover pass and then I ran worked out in Gold's Gym then I ran back home. I feel like I've been getting fitter and fitter lately, so hopefully I can continue on these ways to complete my goal (It will be on the resolutions post next week coming up). Right now I will start just typing things that are on my mind at the moment.


I find it strange that news websites and newspapers in general will show mutilated and dead bodies of people from other countries however when it comes to people in the United States we try not to show them. Which I understand why we don't show our own because I believe that families of the victims should not have to be dealing with pictures of their love ones who are dead. However I just have a problem with people showing dead people from other countries, especially children. I feel like we should show the same respect in which we treat with the people in our country. If it were soldiers then I wouldn't have any beef with it, but when they show civilians being battered and bloodily without any limps left. I don't know I feel like that is something that bothers me.

I've been thinking about a new pair of cleats to get myself for the new season. Lately I've been rocking Adidas cleats and they have been very comfortable to me. I got a pair of AdiPures (the two pairs of cleats above) and a pair of TUnits (the black and yellow cleats). I am debating which pair I should really good. The AdiPures are comfortable on my feet. I feel like I can move freely with them on and they are very light on my feet. The TUnits have the same comfort and I can strike/ pass a ball with great accuracy. So I don't really know, I feel like what will influence my decision is what colors are out for each shoe. I like the colors that they have out now, If I would get some TUnits I wouldn't get the ones pictured above. I would get the white and red ones that Arsenal's Emmanuel Adebayor wears. I can't really find a picture of it right now. As for the Adipure's I would like those white ones that are shown in the picture. Also the ones that are white with blue outlined on it are nice too. I also thought about getting the ones that are all black but I'm not the biggest fan of black cleats. I'll wear them but I mean if I had another choice I would choose the latter (unless it was pink or yellow).

I'm now laying here watching survivorman and just kicking it for a Saturday night for once. I think Survivorman is cool, people gave Bear Grylls (who does Man vs Wild) a hard time for staying in a hotel one time during one of his adventures and for some time I was mildly upset but then I thought about it. He does some wild shit out there. Climbing up mountains, jumping in a river/lake, dealing with extreme temperatures, and jumping into ice ponds and getting out of them. If he decides to go for a night in a hotel and eat steak instead of staying in the elements, he can do that in my book. Survivorman really just do things like walk around and make camp fires, and find food, not knocking him for that, but I don't really see him do half the stuff that Bear does.

Alright I'm going to go back and watch some more TV before I head to bed for the night. Next post will probably be on Tuesday or Wednesday when I begin my discussion of the New Year and my resolutions for the new year. Until then See Ya

Merry Christmas

Alright I'll write something with more substenance then talking about my problem with pink shoes.

I just really wanted to say Merry Christmas to all of you. From the people who are very important in my life, all the way to those who are on the fringe and to those that don't want to hear anything from me. All of you are a part of my life in many ways. Whether you know it or not. Whether you think the one or two conversations that we ever had matter. It shapes us, it shapes our characters. There is good in all the people I know and the many of the other people that I don't know. I just want to celebrate the good in people.

To my friends, I love you and I will always be there if you ever need anything. If you need a stupid joke or if you just want somebody to talk to or need a person to vent (no not the beer can) to. I'll always be there and I value your friendship very much.

To the fringe/ the people that I do not hear from a lot: I hope you have a Merry Christmas also. I hope that you are your group of friends and family enjoy yourself in this time because I understand that you can't have hundreds of friends to look after. So look after the ones you are most close to and keep them in your hearts because you don't know if anyone like them will ever come again. (There is also a New Years Resolution to you that will come in a week; be excited)

To the Fam: It's pretty self-explanatory. I don't really need to say much. I'm glad I have you and I hope to have you guys for a LONG time. I don't know where I would be without you. Learning from mistakes in the past and learning from things you have taught me made me the person I am. And I thank you.

To Everyone, Much Love Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hannahkah, and Happy Kwanzaa. If I forgot anything forgive me.

Next Up For My Nonsense is 09 and the Resolutions that I will try to follow.

What the Hell?

I guess this is the new fad now of days. I don't know where exactly did it come from but it should stop with these two shoes. I know Cam'Ron will be proud of these two cleats. The Pumas are okay, they are outlined with pink but they are mostly black. Still I just don't understand who thought that it was the best idea to put some pink in these shoes. And the vapors are a) hideous and b) anybody I see wearing them are going to get it. I will not mind taking a red card and a possible $50 to $500 fine and miss three games for it. You deserve it. I don't want to mistake anyone and say that it is gay to wear these shoes. I don't believe it is, but you are putting a huge target on your feet when you start wearing shoes that don't really match anything that your team wears unless you play for the Serie A team Palermo.

Just whenever you decide to give your son a gift and he comes up to you with an eurosport magazine and says "Here I want these shoes." You should roll up the magazine and bop him in the back of the head and tell him that you think that this will hurt, Imagine what will happen if you decide to wear these shoes to guys who will kick you just for breathing. I mean if you can dodge everybody and make sure you don't get hit ever then by I all means go ahead and wear the shoes. However I will not have any sympathy for anyone who decide to don these shoes. Personally I would not wear anything that is too bright, no yellow or green. If there were only two shoes in the world and I had to choose between these two then I would choose the Pums cause it at least has some black in them and you don't have to worry about saying "no homo" after everytime somebody looks at you playing soccer. Ha! Hey I won't judge you, but I will make sure you regret wearing those cleats unless you make millions in which you can do what you want cause more than likely you get those for free.

But be glad that at least Cam'Ron will appreciate your taste in soccer shoes, well I don't think you know who he is and I highly doubt that he pays attention to soccer that much to worry about it.

Was I frustrated??? Pt. 2

So why I still here watchin MNF and listening to my music to avoid any questioning that might be pushed my way by my parents. I forget exactly what I was frustrated about. Yeah I do have a slow leak on one of my tires that I need to get fixed but other than that I don't really have too much of anything really that is pressing. So I'm just going to go off and talk about the lil crap that might be a bit frustrating but not leading to any problems.

I hate it when people don't give me the ball in a soccer game and they go off and do something retarded and I end up having to go back and get the ball back. I'm not usually greedy with the game of soccer. I try to have fun and enjoy myself. However I do hate losing and my pride won't take nothing else even if it is for certain that team isn't as good as the other. But I just don't like it when I don't see the ball for a couple of minutes and then they end up getting scored on a couple of times. Like when I was in Greenville, I was finding a bit frustrating and we were losing the final game and I just felt like well then I am going to have to travel from one side of the field all the way to the other and back. It actually doesn't happen often because most of the time I play with fellow ballers and they at least trust me with the ball and they know that I'm more than likely going to be able to dish it back to ya. My assist game has been on point lately or at least my passing game has been on point. It's hard to get assist when they miss the shots hahahaha

I wonder why people ask you a question that you know you don't have the answer to and you don't want to make a lame excuse and they end up getting mad at you anyways. For example: "Why did you do this?" And you know you did it so you are just like "well I did it I don't have an excuse" then they get mad and be like "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE AN EXCUSE." If you do make an excuse then they be like, "I don't want to hear your bullshit." I mean what exactly do you want me to say. I mean there isn't an intelligent enough answer to satisfy anyone. So I will stick to my well I have no excuse or explanation if I did something I did it and you don't really want to here my reasoning so I don't want to give it to you.

I feel like I should just IM or text people that I know hate my guts just for the sake of doing it. For at least the simple reason to irritate the living daylights out of them and keep them on their toes and if they decide to block me from talking to them then that is fine with me. That is exactly what I am trying to do to begin with. It's a win/win situation. I love those things.

I'm leaving you alone right now. Knowing what might happen within the next day or so I will get something from you to keep me on my toes. Well I think I am ready for the nonsense. So you can bring it! I'm a pro at nonsense

Frustration Part 1

This is a two part series. This first one isn't anything about me. It is more about the frustration of watching Valencia loses to the club I hate the most Real Madrid 1-0 on Saturday. I watched the game multiple times so I could shit on the players that I wanted to and what not but I will try to be mild on my assessment because the fact of the matter is that we did not play a bad game at all. Until we went down to ten-men (due to Renan's poor clearing) because of Marchena getting a second yellow, we were dominating possession and getting some clear chances. Manuel Fernandes has a bright future. He shows very good close control and he can get out of situations so silky and smooth. However he is not able to show the control in front of goal that it is needed for him to be a world-class player at the moment. Albeda and Baraja didn't do too much for me. Baraja had a threatening header but they were not too controlling in the midfield and didn't do anything that caught my eye. Del Horno had a torrid time with Robben today. I don't know why he looked confused of why he was getting subbed out of the game. I mean most of the time I felt like he was a cone that the dutchman was going around. However after two consecutive games I've seen him in (Dynamo Kiev in the Champions League and Valencia last Saturday), I must say that Arjen Robben, when healthy, is one of the best natural wingers in the game. Except for the fact that he is a bit greedy in front of goal which might rub his teammates the wrong way. He was very influential in Real's victory. Especially with his splitting run to dish a pass to Higuain who took the shot beautifully with his outside of the foot.

Now I know I am not a Joaquin fan or anything but he had a lively start to the game and he was actually doing pretty well. But for whatever reason, he faded as the game progressed and it was pretty hard for anyone to get going after going down a man. David Villa was dangerous in the first half but not as dangerous as he should have been. For some reason he kept on taking the ball too wide and giving himself no angle for quality shots. He did test Casillas but I don't think it was enough to make him sweat. David Silva needs to hurry and get match-field so we can have another quality player on the field to help Villa out. I could tell that he did not look on form as of now. I think I left some players out but I don't want to re-watch it anymore to figure it out.

I was listening to the match commentary and they were saying that the credit crunch is hurting Valencia right now and there is a possibility that they need to sell their top players like David Villa and Silva to make sure that they can break even or be close to it. I don't think that they should do that because if this club makes the Champions League then the money would be able to come in and sure maybe in January you can sell off some players like Zigic and maybe even sell Del Horno to a lower La Liga club because I don't think he is Valencia quality anymore. Moretti is a way better player then Del Horno. Also if you want to sell a top player, let Joaquin go and give more minutes to Vicente who does pretty well for himself or insert David Silva back in the lineup when he becomes match fit. I don't think it would be plausible to give up David Silva and David Villa then think that you are going to challenge for a Champions League spot. If I had to give up one sad to say that I would have to give up David Silva, because Villa is a once in a lifetime player and you cannot find strikers nowadays like him. Mata is growing to become a great player in himself and he can easily replace Silva but who is going to replace Villa? Morientes? Although he is a good player he is getting older and I don't think that he could take on the load that Villa is able to.

Alright Part 1 is over. I'll probably be back later on today to talk about part 2. As for now I am going to take a nap and waste some more time. Cause I know that I need to.

and you wonder why I hate being bored.

"It gets so confusing this game,
I met alot of girls but never felt this way,
I get strange pleasure though from going through this pain,
and like a ghost I'm haunting her,
I often fantasize about walking hand in hand
But I don't know her name or if she's got a man,
and the only thing that gives me hope to stay
is maybe one day she'll notice me"


I was talking to my boy about something that I was kind of confused about and he gave me a good explanation on what might be going on in a person's head so I decided to let it go and not get too attached because they might get what they are thinking out of their system, which is reasonable.

So Tuesday, didn't have anytime to think about anything. Went running, china buffet, packed up and cleaned up a lil of the apartment and then went to indoor. I was actually kind of ballin out in indoor. It was borderline cultured what I was doing actually, I was kind of scared about that. Then I went out with a couple of the guys afterwards and didn't really think about anything during that time either so that was cool. Yesterday (Wednesday) I made the journey back to Greenville and that's where my mind started wandering. Another problem I had some R&B songs on that probably magnified it. So I decided to put on some mindless rap on to just not think about absolutely anything, that actually worked out and then I got home. Decided to take a nap and then head to the gym to work out. She was vaguely on my mind during my workout session, I was actually thinking about next year and where I might actually be. So no problems there. I think it started to hit me at about around 10 tonight when I was just sitting there with my headphones on (so I didn't have to hear my parents questioning) And I would find myself on facebook looking at somebody's profile like I was suppose to be there. It's ridiculous really. Now I am sitting here watchin soccer because I can't get back to sleep and yet I find her in my thoughts.

I don't think it really is an attachment. I think it is mostly just somebody to think about, because it has been a while since I've thought about anyone like this. Yeah it has. So maybe it is just a cycle that I am going to have to get out of. Maybe she'll forget about me, then I can actually forget myself.....

I like the fact that I am trying to actually convince myself out of shit. Like everything in my life I think I will let this run its course. If it runs away from me, then cool, if it runs straight towards me, then that'll be cool. I don't know I just hate being bored because it's easy to think about things like this while you have a lot of idle time. Hmm, well what would help me stop thinking about this person is not using my computer. Hiding it somewhere until I actually begin to forget, work on getting my 360 fixed, and waiting for my sick hat to get here. Who am I kidding I can't live without my computer let's be foreal. I guess my mind will have to wonder for a couple of more days...

My Life from the past five days

There hasn't been a blog entry since around Thursday I believe. I've been putting full focus on my tryout that I had the last weekend for the Carolina Railhawks and part of me feels like that all my focus wasn't necessarily needed. It was a breeze I thought and I thought that I played real well. And to make things even more interesting I was playing out of position for most of the tryout and thought I did really well with it. Since I am a munchkin in the soccer world I decided to go out to right back and I was balling it up over there. Tackles were good, in the right places at the right times and I thought I was one of the best defenders out there. (I don't brag a lot, seriously)

Let's go out of order a little bit. On Thursday, me, walt, and his stepdad went to Cary and played a lil futsal. For those that don't know about it, futsal is played with a smaller but heavier ball and we played on a basketball court. We were slipping all over the place, but also we were balling it up. Dominating the court. It was especially funny when this guy from I believe Georgia wanted to restart the game and we played to five. We beat them to five. Then he decided let's play to two. Beat them to two. And I was walking to get my pants on and get ready to go home and he wanted to play one more game to win. I was really getting agitated with this guy so I took the ball away from him danced around one guy and scored. Finally that was enough. I was waiting for him to say, "Okay the team that gets scored on first wins." It was pretty ridiculous but it did help out with my footwork and all. So it was pretty good all the same.

Now, I am content right now. Listening to Jamie Foxx's new album. It's okay, it's no Jon B. but it's alright. If you don't know I've been on the R&B tip lately. It's been mad calm to me and I don't get too stressed out for no reason so unless I just feel like putting some rap on, I'm listening to some R&B. So Aaron, yeah I'm not mad right now. I'm not mad hahaha.

I need a new hat. I'm tired of wearing the same two hats over and over again. I'm thinking of getting a new hat this week. It's kind of tight or at least I think it's tight. It looks similar to one of the hats I already have but it has that "carolina blue" color to it that I think is kind of cool. Why not buy a white hat. Well black pretty much matches with anything I have and the fact that I don't want to have to clean my white hat everytime I wear it. So I think I am going to stick with the black hats. (I can't find a proper picture of it so I will send you one once I get it)

Alright I'm going to go back and watch my TV. After tonight, one more day in the triangle area for a long while. I'm heading back to Greenville and going through the suffering of my parent's constant questioning. Um I think I am going to either stay in Gold's Gym, my room, or a soccer field for the majority of the time. I don't want to hear that nonsense right now hahaha. I speak nonsense as it is. I mean that is where I get it from right????

This rainy day can't stop me!!! / What should I get for christmas?

It has finally happened. I am officially done being a full-time student. At 1:00pm as I was turning in my final exam, the joy filled through my body. And even though I had to walk through the rain to my car one finally time to where I've been parking it all year I couldn't contain my excitement. I didn't even have any earphones and yet I was still jumping for joy. It is still raining and I've been laying here ever since I got back. I don't care how much it rains and thunders and all that, this rain cannot stop me, well unless it starts flooding soon, then I should be kind of concerned for the fact that I lived on the first floor. Oops

How am I doing otherwise, I'm alright. Can not really complain. I know I wrote another ranting episode earlier Tuesday morning. That's just to get pint up frustration out of my head. Now I feel better, stomp on another team in my indoor game. Played a lil pick-up with some of the ballers on the girl's soccer team (yeah they are ballers). And just enjoying free time. I should start cleaning and throwing away my nonsense of school work that I actually did for some odd reason. I may actually go play some futsal later tonight. That should be fun, I still don't have any moves that I know of but it should be a fun time either way. This weekend I am going to tryout with the Carolina Railhawks. I mean I might as well, what is it going to hurt. It is a new coach and he is not really going to know who I am to sign me by myself so I decided to just go ahead and play and if I play well then great if I don't well then I still got more to work on. I'm sure I will be playing somewhere. It might not be the best place or the highest place but I at least want to play until I feel that I cannot compete and I still feel like I can so I am going to keep on going.

As for Christmas, what should I actually ask for? I think I am that old that I have no clue what I want for Christmas. I don't even think I am going to get anything. I mean Aaron is probably going to get some shoes from a random friend or something. However I am not really concerned about anything. I might ask for some new soccer shoes (preferably adidas or puma or something) Maybe get another hat or two. That's probably what I want. I only currently have two hats because one has gone off missing somewhere. I think I am going to need to go on a mission to get that back. Oh well, what do you think I should ask for?

It's 5am and I can't go to sleep......Oh I'm ranting

There is no real reason why I am up right now. I tried to go to sleep at 1am but I just ended up waking up at 3:30 and now it's 4:30 and I'm still up and now listening to music. It probably doesn't help that I am listening to music because it is distracting me from sleeping and forcing me to think about stuff that I try to block out of my mind. I wish I could just snap on people however I felt like snapping on people. You know it would just make me feel a lot better about myself to just say whatever I feel and just be like yeah that is how I feel. However I try to keep some sort of hope and maybe it is a false hope on my part. Maybe just maybe I want to make it seem like i want these people to like me and when they do not like me. I can go off on them on my own personal way and use that has motivation to work harder on my training and the other stuff that I do. It's probably crazy and I probably should not do these things to myself but it really doesn't pain me as much as I make it out to believe. It's kind of discourage about people but it doesn't pain me. Oh well, I can play the game

I had this big speech about a certain couple of people but I think I really got what I asked for from these people. Keeping a certain distances from me as far as possible because there is a chance that I am some sort of crazy that they don't want to mess with. Well guess what I am crazy and you should not mess with me ever. And if you see me somewhere you should not come up to me and give these fake talk and say anything, you should turn around and go the other way because I know that is exactly what you want to do. You know better yet, I'll help things out and turn the other way myself so you don't have to make the decision for yourself because I know how hard it is for you to make decisions about "hurting people's feelings" Then again, I probably won't see you again as it is. Exams are here and I am not going into Chapel Hill except for exams so congratulations to you, you finally have me out of your system. Cheers.

I'm not on the sympathy tip, I don't really want that in fact I really want to infuriated people. I want people to be mad at me. I want the hate to spill out. However you will roll on your way with a fake gester that really thinks will make me feel better. F that, I rather see you mean mug me, spit on my face and say I hate your guts. (I know what you are thinking, I'm not in the mood for that now- he knows) At least I can say, wow this person really doesn't like me, all your fake babble won't be worth it to your time anymore and then I can spit on your face and say that I hate you too and smile right back at you because I know you hate seeing my smiling face. So I am going to keep on smiling. You are going to have to wipe that off my face now.

He got that ass stomped

I was over a couple of guys house yesterday watching the Pacquiao-De la Hoya fight. Now the weeks leading up to this fight I thought that Oscar would be able to dominate a little guy due to his weight, height, and just overall veteran skills but the moments leading up to the fight just made me change my mind. Me hearing people saying that he is making more money due to pay-per-view revenue then the actual fight itself and him having a pretty face. Then seeing Pacquiao going up against other latin fighters, who seemed like they got more heart then what Oscar has now in the ring, I thought man, Manny might just win. He did not only win he basically beat the shit out of Oscar. Whenever he got against the ropes he just got out, and he just combo in and out making Oscar look more like a rookie fighter in there. Now I understood after the Mayweather fight why he decided to come back but this fight should make him throw the towel for good. He was dominated by a 5'6 guy who's normal weight is around 120. I think you just need to put that suit on and find other guys who are prized fighters. One of the people that I was hanging out with him was like this is basically the same thing as Superman getting killed systematically. Okay I did add the word systematically but that's how it went down. Manny beat him to every punch and it didn't even look like Oscar was going to knock Manny down.

Now I think he should retire now, but will he retire now? I don't know I am sure he has a lot to think about. He could not do anything in this fight. Maybe he's lost it but then again he's lost every big time fight he's been in for the last couple of years. Maybe that won't keep him out of the ring, but you know what will keep him im. It is everyone buying $54.99 for his fights. He is a pretty smart man and if he feels like he wants to get back into the ring, it is going to do more with the payday and less about the real fight. Also other fighters wouldn't mind getting in the ring with him because they'll obviously get that major payday also so until the day when nobody buys an Oscar De la Hoya fight, there will always be a chance that he will be in the ring. But then again, he was a proud champion, I'm sure he even knows when it is time to give it up. I mean he can't do a Bernard Hopkins and stomp on a champion in his prime (Kelly Pavlik) when he's 43 years old. Oscar's not hungry for the ring like that anymore but he is hungry for that $.

Stop Stressing

Going through the progression of trying to study for exams/ trying to stay in shape for soccer/ trying to NOT feel like crap anymore. I just figured out not to be stressed out about many of these things. Just go on and do it. With the studying, I know how to study for these exams and the fact of the matter is that I have a certain idea of what is going to be on the exams. So you should take that out of the equation. Secondly if you are upsetting yourself due to the fact that you are studying a lot and knowing everyone, they hate studying. Study in groups. Find people to study with, now if you don't have any friends in those classes or aren't willing to study with you. Find friends to go to the library with you. It will at least make you feel better that you aren't alone in the studying that you need to do.

I want to be ready for soccer just in case some team comes up to me. I use to stress about the fact that I felt out of shape for some reason or the other. But I think that I am just fine. My game is alright and especially for a center back or possibly an outside back, my skill set as gotten better with playing in indoor (in tight spaces) and just working on the game whenever I can. Whatever all I can ask for is to play the best that I can play and see what happens. Life continues to show you the right way to go so you should take what it plans on giving you.

I have been feeling like crap most recently and it isn't anything social. It is that my stomach continues to ache even though I've almost done everything possible to make sure that it stops aching. I've taken pepto, eaten food, because I thought maybe if I ate I would feel better, taken all kinds of pain relievers and taken some junk called magnesium citrate, it helps "clean you out" if you really want me to elaborate then you are going to have to ask me privately (or just take into account that my stomach is hurting). And even after that I am feeling it a little bit. I had to stop working today because my stomach continued to hurt all during the day. So I went to my place took a long nap and then decided to study a little bit.

I'm trying not to kill myself over all these things and even trying to talk to other people about what's going on just to make me feel at ease. It's kind of hard just keeping everything inside so having people to talk about things that potentially stresses us out will make us less stressful. So if you are feeling shitty and stressed out about things, find the nearest friend and talk to them because you may never know, they have the same things going on with them.

First exam starts on Saturday at four. If I can get some more studying tonight and go a lil more hardcore tomorrow then I would be straight. I am going to be screwed if the first two exams aren't on the final (they said it was cumulative) because that is exactly what I am studying on and Chapter 18 also. So here's to the start of exams! Cheers! Now, here's to me staying in on a Friday night and studying. That's Dedication. Go UNC soccer! (mens and womens)

For my facebook friends who were kind to give me a birthday shout...23? really

First of all thank you for the birthday shouts. It is really appreciated and I am going to try to do something within the next couple of days. I am going to try to thank each of ya in a very unique way. I don't know how I am going to do it and all. And even those who I don't really talk to at least took the time to write happy birthday on my wall, so me being the person that I am. I am going to thank everybody anyways. So within the next couple of days be ready! I am coming

Yes I am 23. I don't feel older or more mature. Although it's weird that I really didn't expect a present for my birthday or kind of didn't want one. You know it gets to that time where you just don't care what you get for your birthday or christmas for that matter. As long as we all can make it through another day that's all that matters. Even the people that I "hate" (like Aaron hahahahaha) I appreciate all of you guys in my life even though I don't show it. It at least keeps my life interesting and I hope that I can make your life interesting through my crazy antics. Alright I need to go to training and a review session (back to reality i hate it)

Because I have nothing to say to you...

Since all I feel like doing right now is rant about more shit. I am not going to do that and I plan on keeping it calm for this cloudy saturday morning (in which I should be watchin cartoons and junk like that

I think we are going to have to leave if I see one more white guy dance goofy as hell

I like to put it in and leave it in, I just don't like to take it out

Hey didn't lil wayne say that he is only at the clubs for 30 minutes and he gets paid???? then why the f*** is he in the bar and buying big girls drinks

-the guy looked like lil wayne alright

You know mom doesn't want me to drive, how she going to tell us that she wants you to drive my car instead of me driving my own car

Hey girl, you just gonna slam your hand on our table....sway back and forth and then ask us the time like you gonna remember that shit

Hey, waking up is overrated

So this drunk ass guy thinks it's okay to dance with black people if a Biggie song comes on??

- hahaha then that same guy proceeded to get kicked out

Damn, that bitch is going hard, she going out with crutches on and everything

- he said that shit right in front of the girl, i almost busted out laughing right in front of her

Somebody needs to tell him to get off the iron gym

- he was talking about this tall ass dude who was standing in front of us

you going to covet that nigga's wife and everything, i mean she is a bad bitch and all but he married her

You know who Steve Jobs is? No you don't because he's in the upper echelon, you know why, cause he gave it up to yo boy

The two stories of my somewhat interesting life

Disconnected- adj- disjointed; broken.

Disinterested- adj- not interested; indifferent.

Now I have been on this journey to find out what I should do about the problem that I think I have with keeping friends and somewhat. And I thought about these two words. They tell two different stories in the book of Andre Sherard. Because you see that the people that aren’t really your friends are either disconnected with you or just plain disinterested with you. It is hard for some to understand because they do not want to look into the person who they want to be their friends. They just make excuses why don’t they like me? Or why do they not talk to me anymore. Well you should just listen to conversations of people you know and then understand that the situation that they are talking about, might actually apply to you. Those people might be saying, ugh why is this person talking to me? I am going to give him some sort of excuse to get them off my back. I always wanted someone to tell the truth about what they feel but I suddenly realize that they aren’t really “hiding” the truth to make you feel better, it is more for them to make themselves feel better. Because if they give you an answer that is vague at best then they can absolve themselves from you. “Well we can just be friends” Which is a fine thing to say but necessarily you don’t have to talk to your friends a lot. So they think by saying that, they don’t have to feel bad about hurting your feelings and also keeping their distance from you. Well now I will tell you the two stories of the two key words that represent this ongoing novel.

Disconnected
Have you had some friends that you hang out with. That you see them out somewhere and you guys talk forever. Or just have someone that thinks about you and you think about them just because you guys are good friends. And then all of a sudden out of nowhere, they are nowhere to be seen. This is where the disconnection factor comes in, for some reason maybe imaginary, you guys get disconnected with each other and then you really just stop talking to each other. If you think about it, more than likely this is going to happen because in all reality you had nothing in common. Talk about the same ole shit, actually only see them once or twice a week and just talk to them on some sort of social network or instant message. And then out of nowhere they look into other things. Which you can say is a part of disinterest also but we’ll talk about that later. When you try to talk to these people, they give you one to two word answers and then they just go away finding something else to do. I try to avoid these people because even on a computer there are signs that they aren’t really trying to talk to you. They want to get rid of you as fast as possible. So rest in peace to those people that I’m not too connected to anymore.

Disinterested
“Out of sight out of mind”

Somewhat of disinterest comes from the disconnection portion, because after a while those people that you use to talk to become disinterested in what you are doing and they just forget that you even exist. If people are interested in what you are doing then they will at least make an attempt to find out what you’re doing. It doesn’t have to be all me because for the most part people get freaked out if I message them or im them. I just am wondering how you all are doing, I don’t want anything from anybody anymore (A lot of anys). I am interested in people I am sorry you don’t feel the same. I like the people that actually answer back with something interesting to say to me, instead of the two to three word answers I usually get. Okay let me get back to my point, people may be disinterested because they have enough friends already, they do not have time to worry about other people that they hardly know of and I respect that. I talked to this person yesterday who was my facebook friend and I hardly have seem him at all except for when we played his team in high school. And yeah I was kind of thinking like you guys are, wow this is random but I respect the fact that he is decided to come out to talk to me because we are at least facebook friends and if you did not want them as a friend then you would not accept their friendship. So big ups for you (I try to avoid names to feel like I shit on people) for actually having the nerve to talk to me even though we hardly know each other. So people will be disinterested and that is fine, however if I create a buffer between me and you do not be surprised because I don’t want you to pull me in and then a couple of days later while I say something you give this one to two word disinterested answer that actually makes me feel pretty bad for actually talking to you. I don’t want to feel like shit again so in other words if you want to break through that buffer you are going to have to show me you’re willing to do that.

After all is said and done, I think hardly many people can handle me as a friend. I am surprised that I have the friends I do now, because I come up with the most random shit in the world to do and they are down with me doing it cause they understand me. If many of you who say that you are my friends actually got in my head for a change, you would be scared shitless. So I think it might be “your blessing” (hahaha) that you are disconnected or disinterested in me. You don’t have to deal with my nonsense…….The nonsense that’s all bottled up inside. Enjoy :-)

My New Obsession

So I decided to take my boredom to the next level and went on the internet tv and i found this site called narutowire.com. Yes I know what you are thinking and yes it is an anime site. For those that do not know anime is a japanese cartoon. Hey you can judge me I don't really care. Well anyway, I was thinking about a new anime series to start because I've been on the Bleach for a year now and I cannot wait for the next episode tomorrow. So I thought about what I heard and while I was listening to one of those my way vblogs on youtube. I decided to give One Piece a chance.

One Piece is about this chase for all the pirate treasure in the world and all the pirates are trying to get it. Well this goofy pirate with a straw hat named Luffy (the first guy in the picture) is trying to be the Pirate King and get the treasure. The great thing about this guy is that he does not give a care in the world. Sometimes the dumb looks that he gives to people in serious situations just make you laugh. And somehow he just makes his way out of a troubling situation. I just love the boy's goofiness, he makes the series. I cannot really talk more about it because I have just gotten through three episodes and all I know is that Luffy is heading to the Grand Line (which is where the treasure is) and he's doing it in a little boat with only one person in his crew. He's a funny character because he has only one goal in mind and he doesn't care if someone says that they are going to kill him, he'll go on with his business like nothing happened.



Well I know you are probably like this guy is actually talking about anime, well I don't care what you think really, I could talk about myself and how I have bad luck with girls and people in general, but I know you don't want to hear that neither so in other words enjoy when I talk about something else other than myself.

"Tonight is gonna be cool, tonight is gonna be true, tonight is gonna be you"

"Let me cut the lights off, now let me talk to her."

Now it may be easier for some to talk to the opposite sex than others. For the others that it isn't too easy for you. What should we do? Well I kind of figure that it is probably going to turn into trial and error. Asking someone out in the right way isn't an exact science or finding the right person. So sometimes you have to say 'f it, i'm going to ask this person out to hang out with somewhere, go to a movie, or just chill.' And if that ends up not working then don't put your head too down. Like I said before sometimes it is trial and error. We all aren't the socialites (is that a word?). It isn't easy for us to go up to someone and get them interested in you. Nor it just happens that someone pops out of nowhere and says that they want to hang out with you. I've been wondering when that's going to happen hahaha. I would just say to you that you have to keep on trying because there might be someone who is actually interested in hanging out with you.




"I'm walking through the street with 24's on my FEET, a n**** got whips like a farmer got sheep."

I've been having a lot of thinking time during this weekend. All I did was field marshal some soccer games and then rode around in a cart. I thought about just thinking that I needed somebody. I don't think that necessarily I need someone. Someone would be nice to be with you, but relatively speaking you don't need anybody. And I don't feel that it's healthy really. "I'm gonna kill you, if I can't have you." Come on, nobody wants that nonsense in their life. If you don't know me, I am not the confrontational type that is going to go crazy if something doesn't go my way. However I do like who I've looked at in the last week so I am going to currently go on with this trial and error thing and whatever happens will happen. Won't stop chasing, like Aaron told me to do. Can't Stop, Won't Stop.


Bill Gates, Don't laugh at me....
So my 360 is dead. Or at least I cannot play it at all. It blinks those red lights everytime I push the power lights so now I have been sitting here getting on facebook and myspace (yeah it's gotten to that unfortunately). Now I think I should get back on my internet TV tip again (Bleach is the shit). It really didn't upset me that my 360 broke. I mean yea my saved games are basically all gone and I won't have any business playing them. However I think it might be a blessing that I lost my games. Maybe I should sell off all the games and everything with it and just not have a system until I can get a steady job and I'll hopefully have enough money and time to get one. I find it ironic that it is close to the time in which my parents bought this thing. So I will say goodbye to 360, fifa 09 (pains me to say it), and video games in general until I can get enough money. Hey Aaron don't worry I'd still whoop that ass.

Eh I thought I'd end it on a lyric but nah I don't feel like it anymore. Hopefully I'll have something interesting to talk about tomorrow or maybe it'll just be HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

P.S. If this didn't make any sense, sorry I just felt like writing something

Blogs in Song

Now I know I've been on my own tip lately. And I've been writing multiple posts about myself. Well I want to get rid of me for the time being and give you some of my favorite lyrics that I've been listening to and trying to relate to myself. This is about the time of the year that I'll let the R&B songs take me away even though I don't really have anybody to share with... It's cool!!

"Only just a friend the love story begins
Now here's a happy ending to believing
Your always down for me now you're with me in my dreams
It's got me wondering if you ever dream of me
I don't wanna risk losing everything
But I'll take the chance and tell you what I'm thinking
Girl"


"You've been my best friend can we put this to bed then
Tonight's the night to cross the line
Baby won't you be mine
Not just my homegirl
Time that I take you home girl
Tonight's the night to cross the line
Let me love you tonight
I, I, I..."


(Oh) Hush my baby, Don't you cry.
I'll dry your eyes. Fulfill your heart's desire.
Let's go in. Try again.
Careful this time. Broken promises linger in our mind.

I'll give in completely. Hearts break so easy.
I know. Believe me. Oh, I've tried.
But my arms can hold you. My kiss console you.
I'll come and love you tonight."


"I'm only here for this moment
I know everybody here wants you
I know everybody thinks they need you
I've been waiting right here just to show you
How my love will blow it all away."


"I was soo cold
I was soo bold
I was soo lonely inside
You were soo nervous when you first heard this
that a real man is going to try your heart
but you're so real, know how I feel
so we both continue to play our part
From the end to a start, girl it's going to be hard
it's nothing that we both can't get through."

"I gotta admit sometimes I feel week for loving you the way I do
It's beyond me
I can't control it or force it to be, you know, what I want it to be
I think about you so much when I'm with you and when I'm not
It's deep, the way, just looking in your eyes just changes my whole perspective."

"It's so hard for me to say this
I'm struggling to find the right words
What I've felt is past tense
What I feel you just haven't heard

So, I think it's better that I tell you now
I think it's better that I tell you now

She's so sweet and good, good
I can't let her go"

"I waited for your call but you choose not to call me
I wonder what happened
Were you inside a safe space and too I wondered
Were you thinking about me and if you were
Why was I feeling so lonely
By the phone, alone to the bone
Although the night before you were in my home my body my dome
In a circle of passion we Paris Italy Japan Africa Rome
We made music, we trombone
It was magic the way it happened
Pure electricity
I felt so excited and afraid at the same time
I don 't know whether to sing or to rhyme
Call me."


I'm a little weird, a little crazy, an oddball for sure. But I'm sure there is someone who can match with my oddballness (yeah I made that up) or maybe just help me curb it down a little bit if they don't mind.

09 is all about ME

I've been working out and thinking about things and I must say that this year has just been a year of mistakes. From the beginning all the way down until this point. From being unfit to being not fit for school or the people around me. I thought I was doing everything for myself but in all reality and the most part I was doing things for others around. I currently have no job and the problem is that I am going to need to pay rent in the next couple of weeks and no shit I need to find a job. However It is hard for me, I just don't think I have the skills that many others do. I can't sell anything because I am not the best people person and I can't just read off of a script of some sort. I've tried to get a job at grocery stores believe or not but I have not heard a word from any of them. So I am just stuck here going to school but all I have money is for gas and the occasional food. Here comes my other problem, in the summer I took a visit to Chapel Hill and I watched some of the guys play and then I saw my coach and he said that if I came back to school that my grant will still be there and I will get money. He didn't really tell me that for some reason getting a professional soccer contract in the United States apparently means that you cannot get money from the school. Now it was probably my mistake for not telling him to check and make sure because if I knew from the beginning I was not getting any money, I don't care how much of a good idea it was I would not have taken it and gotten a part-time job in Greenville and would have paid for my schooling that way and I would not be currently stuck in the jam that I am currently in.

In the Spring, I had the decision to go to Atlanta or possibly being in L.A. potentially (it wasn't a done deal or anything). And I thought maybe being close to "friends" and family would help me out so I decided to head closer to home. And it was okay to begin with I wasn't playing alot which I had to get over after a while but the thing that really got me was just how many friends I thought I had and how many that I really have. And if I knew that I was basically going to be lonely to begin with then I would have probably just stuck my ass all the way across the country and maybe met up with cool people or something. I will try not to go too much until details with anything else because it will turn into more ranting of people who I don't think hate my guts but just don't want to talk to me or hang out with me.

The rest....Are too personal and still eats away so quite frankly I will keep them in my brain and kill it with working out as hard as possible and being focus on the tasks at hand. I don't mean to rant on this I just wanted to let you know that 09 is a new year and it is about time that I listen and consult myself rather then listen to what people say. Cause like I've realized with most of the people that I was associated with "Out of sight out of mind." Unless they say shit behind you telling their friends that he needs to hang out more or whatever. Like I say it'll be more ranting. I have a phone/facebook/AIM/gchat/twitter whatever else. It ain't hard to get in touch with me

All these forum posters or article commenters

Now I take the time to read articles and forums. This is mostly because I am bored and try not to look on facebook/myspace or check my mail all the time. I see the comments that people make and most of them are very bias to their own views and what they think. They would rather berate each other more than discussing the topics that were in hand. And most start calling each others names, trying to get real personal and start saying racist or homophobic things. Before I use to wonder why they do this and why they would make fun of somebody even though they don't have information about the person. For example, this guy would go on bigsoccer and he would crap on my UNC coach calling him names and saying that he is no good and no one should go play for him because he treats his players badly. During the time he did talk about my coach, he was hidden by the screen of his computer and he didn't have to explain anything to anybody because it was his little "screen name" and when people exposed him and said who he really was then he backed off from his statements about my coach.

I think people try to find things to say because they really don't have anything to say. If the author of the article writes a perfect article and uses a word that the reader doesn't quite understand he would just go and try to make a joke about the guy dusting off his dictionary. By the way for someone to say that is dumb because if author knows this word, I'm sure he knows more than you. Or just make up some stuff that tries to shit on the article. When I write a comment on somebody's article, I don't try to get on the person writing I try to discuss the subject, but people just go on there and are like "the person that writes this is shit, the people in the article are shit, and you are an ignorant n*******" Whoa dude we are talking about young people trying to become better what are you talking about.

I feel like people need to have their names and pictures beside their comments. Maybe they will think before they write something that would perceive them as ignorant. Maybe we can have intelligent conversation about the problems or just about any topic that is on an article or forum. Or maybe you just like writing dumb shit because you are ummm dumb? Yeah I think that's right

A free-write activity....

"Hello World"

Another edition of me writing randomly in my head with no real topics, It is just me going off on random stories that you might want to hear or might not. It does not matter either because if you are still reading then you want to hear to hear my nonsense. Correct?

People want to be right. I was working at the Raleigh Shootout and I had to make sure that people didn't park in the wrong places. And some group of people thought it was the best idea to park their car on the edge of the road towards the exit. Their cars are going to be exposed to getting hit if someone is aggressive and is getting out in a hurry. So I had to explain to these retards that a) you can't park here or you will be towed. b) your car can easily be hit by anybody who is careful. And quite frankly I could careless about that shit. I would probably just laugh at you hysterically for your ignorance. Then they try to give me the "there's nowhere to park." Well that still doesn't mean that you are allowed to park here. So move your ass, I got to stay here until 5pm, while you are enjoying the games.

Do I know you? So it was me and another guy working at the parking lot. And it was debatable whether this guy was talking to me or to him (because he had cornrows or something) so the guy in question comes out of nowhere and says, "that is a girl." This is directed to us and I am just looking at him in amazement. I don't know you dawg, so what the f*** are you talking about. I just begun to laugh at the idiot as he left. Then he decides that he's cool enough to flash the finger like I can gather a positive id of who this person is. Like how retarded do people have to be. I am not making fun of anybody that I don't know unless they did something to me. Obviously I did not do anything to this person. I am just glad that I'm a reasonable person, because if I was too volatile I would have picked the nearest rock and chucked it at him. I don't care if they made me leave afterwards during that point I was ready to go.

Did you really just call us rental cops???? Like I said before we were working the parking and just making sure people weren't parking at certain spots. And then this lady was playing a joke on some other parents beeping her horn and we were like are you serious? Your car is right behind us and this irritating horn beeping is really pissing me off. She finally gets out of the car and says, Rental cops, I'm sorry I was trying to play a joke at my husband who I guess was one of the parents. Rental Cops? This was while me and the other guy were wearing red rain jackets. Do we look like rental cops. I didn't know that rental cops wore red I just did not know that. I didn't even get a flashlight man I am going to have to talk to those people about that. "Top Flight Security, Craig" Haha and we are wearing red which should have scared you like most of the other cars that were around. I'm sure they thought we were bloods or something. I would have rather took that then being called a rental cop. Zoooooooo Woooooooooooo. Yeah I just did that.

Are those mountains??? So after I was done with my work I headed back to Chapel Hill soon after I was done. I think I should have took a nap in my car before I headed back because I was soo exhausted that I was hallucinating that I was driving down mountains when I hit I-40 going home. It was rediculous because I knew I wasn't suppose to be in the mountains or anything like that. The clouds were definitely playing tricks on me. I felt like I was descending but I knew I was not and I was just afraid I was going to wreck any moment. I've never had that happen to me. Luckily I didn't wreck although I did veer off the road but that's when I was not on the highway so I guess I was straight after that.

Needs to trap himself in his "office": The temptation of going out (even if it is by yourself) is pretty great. For the simple fact that there is nothing to do where you are at and the fact that I live in a one bedroom place makes my boredom even worse and I have to deal with not really having that social interaction during the day. I've slowly gotten use to it but sometimes it catches me to the point where I should find a reason to go out. I don't really want to go out but I feel the need to go out for no good reason. So now I've started to sleep when I feel the need to go out and by the time I feel like going out again, it will be around 1:15am (because I don't sleep eight hours straight like normal people) and there will be no reason to go out because all the places are closing haha. Well I'm going to try to trap myself in my "office" and ignore the temptation to go out and unnecessarily drink plus I have to spend more money which I don't really want to do at the moment.

"Big bro, I'm a big dog, and I don't mean fleas when I say I'm ticked off. haha and nigga I don't ever scratch and she throw that p***** then big dog fetch."

Forgive me sometimes I will break into song for no reason at all. I listen to music way too must for my own good. It kind of wastes more time and that is one of the things that talk to me for hours and hours on in so I will treat it like my best friend. You know.

Blessing that I have a phone with no numbers: I've thought about making one of those pages (facebook) saying that I need numbers because my phone was actually one of my dad's old phones and he had all his numbers in there. So first I had to delete those numbers first then after that I had to find the numbers that I actually need. And I thought that I should make the page but I realized that I don't need to make this page because I only have about 5 or 6 people that I would talk to and the others don't want to talk to me or text me (their lack of texting or ignoring my text would make me think this.) So as of right now I only have the numbers of people that I've talked to for the last couple of days and the rest I am not going to hunt you down for your number because you probably think I will stalk all of you again. Those days are over with. I'm done with texting people just trying to see how they are doing or being helpful to those who've had a bad day. If I keep on going I will begin to rant So I'll stop with this subject and if you really want my number you are going to have to look for me.

I think I am done talking right now. Don't really have anything else to discuss. I have a very long week in store for me. My daily planner will be my best friend for the next couple of days. Also the iron gym obviously. And the key words for the next couple of weeks/months. I've called off the chase. I will explain that later, it is a different chase then what I explained about finding groups of friends, but the other kind of chase. I don't think anyone will understand what I'm talking about. I do understand what I'm talking about

P.S. I'm sure there are grammatical errors because I also make them. I don't feel like editing this right now so deal with it :-)

Pic: I'm currently listening to Mos Def right now so that's why his picture is up here

OOOH I want that triple steak burrito

Forgive me, I've put myself in a trance for the last couple of days, so I have not had the opportunity to think or talk about anything. And quite frankly I have nothing. I thought about going after computers, mobile phones, and other electronics but however I end up babbling on about some nonsense that had absolutely nothing to do with the current topic. I could talk about my week and how it was. With that I do not think people want to listen to what I have to say or what I did for a change. I mean the only thing to know of was me and sho heading to Waffle House on a Wednesday (aka Thursday morning) just cause we were hungry and didn't want to cook anything. That's about it. I can relive my war against race, but ever since the election I was focusing myself on the problems that only blacks and whites had and I didn't even get to do my necessary research on the rest of the races so that basically stalled out (I will probably revisit it though) What else...I could go back into detail with my war against my imaginary enemy, that is the public that knows me but doesn't really know me, I think I need to quit bringing it up because I know that it is repetitive and even my friends that would read it would get tired of it and I am growing tired of it also. FIFA? No you guys don't care about that hahaha. I found it


Commercials are trying to get you a) fat b) after you get fat, get you back in shape with their medicine c) make you think you will get laid and d) gives you an enhancement for when you do get laid.

And the thing is that they just go into a big cycle. Have you ever seen a group of commercials talking about food: McDonalds, Taco Bell, Wendys, etc... Then there would be a commercial talking about getting rid of all that food that is most likely due to the fact that you eat all that greasy food. I mean I'm not going to lie I saw a taco bell commercial and immediately I headed up to Taco Bell with no thought of what I did and got the triple steak taco burrito. I know I got sucked into that trap of buying what I see on tv. The pills and the diets are supposedly "quick fix" for those who have a problem with weight. Have any of you have ever heard of photoshop or other ways to make people look fatter or skinnier then they are suppose to be. Of course people are gullible enough to just buy your medicine and take your money.

Then there are those who show the alcohol commercials that everybody is having a great time and of course at the end of the night everybody will get some. Of course that's how it's like. NOT. Well people do get theirs and I'm not hating on them for that. But it isn't like what they claim in these commercials. Hardly anybody is in their right state of mind, looking like zombies and such. When you guys have two of Diddy's bodyguards fighting each other because they had too much of that Ciroc (sp?) Vodka, then I would believe that shit.

That gets to my next point, the guys and ladies alike want their sexual experience to be at its maximum so there's commercials that talk about male enhancement and to make the sex go longer. I mean I am not hating on it or anything. Hey if you don't feel like you are delivering the goods then maybe you might want to give it a try, but ladies I have a question? How long do you want him to go? because I don't care what you say, there is a limit to everything. Nobody wants to be going at it for three to four hours straight. I mean come on now, I don't know what is good to do for three or four hours straight. Even playing video games I get to the limit where I don't want to do that shit. So couples just be careful what you are dealing with.

These people are smart. They know what products to put on the tube and they know what problems that the public have. I don't know, I just do not want people to get trapped on everything that they see, it could lead to problems and then you will be on Dateline talking about how this pill ruined your life. Please don't be that person.

Getting in tune with your "star player"

"Backstage after the Flava Flav roast in which they called him a crisply crackly coon for the whole show, He came back happy as shit, congratulating people on doing a good job and we were like wtf, they just called you a crisply crackly coon. And you know there are some people you never thought you would learn anything from. I mean come on, when a guy has a viking hat and a big ass clock with the wrong time you expect not to learn anything from them. And I will never forget what he said to me, 'I don't give a fuck what they say about me, they got to pay me boiiiiiiiiii' and ran the f off and I realized something that's what you have to do keep yo star player in line because if they talk shit about you, you have to take everything from them, everything?!?! yes everything."
- Katt Williams-It's Pimpin Pimpin' (i didn't get all the right words but that's what he was saying)

Now I watched the rest of this comedy special and I realized that I have to do what is best for my star player. That was something I was getting a little into in my last post. Maybe I have to lie to myself and tell myself things that make me feel good about myself. Cause I always thought that people would like me, but of course I am mistaken. There are haters everywhere, they'll hate on the way you dress, the way your hair looks, the way you just look. Bump them, take care of your "star player" because after it said and done. Once you get done with them fools, you are going to be able to take everything too.

So what's my demeanor right now?

I don't know why I keep on coming back to you. You social network/ instant messaging services you. I do it because I believe that I am out of the loop with everything that is going on in people's lives. In all reality I still am out of the loop of people's lives. I do not think they want me to be a part of their lives or they would take more interesting in what I do. I know I am probably asking for too much to those that want little to ask for. However it is hard just sitting here staring at a tv screen hour in and out. I just feel like not using this services will make me a much happier person on the inside because it has been a LONG time since I've last been truly happy about myself.

This Sunday was like any other Sunday for me. I did a little cleaning of my living area that I really should call my bed room because that's where I sleep. I also got some time to watch some soccer and some football. Shoutouts to the UNC Women's soccer team for winning the ACCs you guys deserve it and good luck in the NCAA's. I also caught a little of the MLS playoffs today. New York Red Bulls won today on the help of Dane Richards (a facebook friend so shoutout to you too) and big ups to Mac Kandji aka King Kandji aka O.G.7, keep on doing your thang guys. Also their keeper was amazing for them, he made save after save after save. They beat the two-time defending MLS Champs Houston Dynamo. A former college buddy, Corey Ashe, plays for them and shoutouts to him also. I'm proud of ya keep yo head up and get em next year. Same goes to Michael Harrington and my buddies out at Chivas (Keith, Justin, Lance, Alecko, etc.) Alright I'm done with the shout outs. Other than that I've been sleeping and playing fifa for the rest of this day.

So what have I been up to. Actually much of nothing to update you on really. I've just been a hermit during my days when I don't have class and such. I always seem to go on the iron gym when I get completely bored and I've been actually seeing the results of it all so it's been working. I kind of wanted to get away from playing soccer at the moment. I've been playing with adult league teams and such and after the last game on last Monday I wanted to get away and just concentrate on myself for the time being. School is just school. I mean I'm hating it a lot but I am able to manage my classes and doing surprisingly alright. So cannot complain.

Well I'll get back to my first point, for a long while and sort of to this point I just wanted to belong somewhere. I think that I am such an odd ball that I don't think that I should belong anywhere. So I am slowly realizing that I might need to calm down on "forcing" people to be my friends. They are well at least associates because I talk to them once in a while and all they say is one word or one sentence answers so they do not really want to be bothered me unless... I'm not going to get into all that. I'm done with it

Oh and big ups to Aaron West for not being raw as shit in his adult league game. I know that all the opponents where keying on yo ass but I'm glad that you took it like a champ You got to start to learn how to be a cultured raw aggin like myself. And I hope you had a real people day (read a book, clean and shit like that) hahaha

Wow, seeing people on facebook has got me to wonder

People say that we are the land of the free and we are all equal. I've seen many comments on status (for both sides) that has me to wonder whether Switzerland is the right place for me. I mean it is neutral and you don't have many arguements between them on who is president or not. To the ones that had nothing to say about his race, I commend you for what you say, I'm sure it is probably hard for you to take it and you have not taken the same responses as others. Bringing up race and God, so what you are saying is you did not need God until a black President arrived. It does not make sense.

And to those that want to move to Canada...Nobody is going to care. I don't really care, the only one that will miss you is your parents. That's about it.

The problem that I have is that people have their feelings due to the race factor. Not whether either/or will be a good president. People do not like Obama because he is black and that's what YOUR hyprocrisy comes in. Because you want black friends and black people to be your facebook friends and then at the same time you and others are saying "i'm going to shoot some coons" or "if it wasn't for slavery, obama wouldn't be where he was." During these next few days, I will study what people have to say. Some will be civil and respectful like Mr. McCain, who I have come to respect very much from his speech because he only wants what's best for America no matter who is president. Others will prove themselves as hyprocrites and not deserving for any respect and if you want to move to Canada....I'll pay for your ticket.

Can We please stop saying or doing dumb shit!!!

Pacman Jones gets in trouble again for fighting his bodyguard????

Larry Johnson, of the Kansas City Chiefs, first got in trouble for pushing a women’s head and then a couple of weeks later he spits his drink in a girl’s face.

Lyfe Jennings is arrested for resisting arrest and being a felon carrying a firearm

Josh Howard, on a cell phone camera of all things, told everybody that he didn’t like the National Anthem because he’s black.

Um Black population do we need to go on? Honestly? Are we going to continue to do this because this is getting too old. The thing that gets me is that these and others alike are getting in trouble for the same exact shit. I know this isn’t all of us but we also need to call a conference for this too. These people do these things to stay hood or be that “nigga” or anything else. Sometimes we need to grow up once we get into the spotlight. These people can’t keep these hood personas while they are making the money they are making. Sooner or later that “hoodness” is going to come back to bite you. Whether they like it or not, they are being watched by kids who want to emulate them.

The saying: “The white man (aka cops) is out to get us.”
Well maybe that is a right saying or just maybe (here’s a thought) maybe you do not need to do anything to draw attention to yourself like I don’t know….. Have drugs or a firearm that isn’t registered in your car? Speeding from the Police? Shooting or beating the shit out of each other? Or not stealing shit? If you robbed me, I am going to come after you, that is if I had a gun on me or something. You are being watched because you are black sometimes, maybe you are being watched because you were doing something that you weren’t suppose to be doing. Think about that? You are a crack dealer and you see a suspicious truck outside your neighborhood, maybe they suspect you of doing something illegal. Just maybe, I don’t know exactly, I mean you are a drug dealer

You know when we say or act retarded. We are just reaffirming some of the white populations thoughts about them being better than us. When they hear Josh Howard saying something like he said about the flag, that is going to make them think, ‘they can not even respect the flag. of course we are better than them we can at least respect where we are from.”

Many of our own people do things to keep our own people down. Maybe that is why repeated behavior happens. You see these athletes and others getting in trouble three or four times. They say they would like to change their ways, but the problem is we do not want to get rid of the friends who we grew up with and that is the problem, because mostly the trouble starts when your friend thinks he is too good for the rules because he is a friend of a athlete or rapper or whatever. So he decides to get in an argument and then bring the “star” in and he has to keep his hood status among his friends so he gets into the fight not knowing the consequences until the next morning and ESPN, Good Morning America, and other news outlets get a hold of it and then you have those white people shaking their heads at you and trying to figure out what is wrong with our population.

Why do we feel the need to make fun of each other? Do you feel it necessary that you should make fun of someone who does not wear the same type of clothes as you do? Or do not hang out with the same people. We do a lot of this and keeping ourselves down and saying mean things about each other or doing mean things to each other. I remember one time an athlete beat someone up just because the other guy had glasses and a laptop. That is simply ridiculous. I do not think people should be judging other people once they see them for the first time ever. You have no idea about and I have no idea about you that’s why you should not laugh at a person that you just seen somewhere. I mean that’s almost as worse then one of those white people saying that I hate black people because they are black. I don’t really think we are going to make any advances.

We get on camera or a mic or anything that people will be able to hear over and over. Please get a dictionary and understand what you are saying. We do not need people trying to use big words. And trying to sound intelligent. For example (nobody actually said this but here’s how somebody sounds)

“You know my valediction is impeccable. I stretch the parameters to the equilibrium and then that’s how I get disposition. How you like my vocabulary?”

I have no clue what you just said. At all! I would rather for some of these people use words that they know and just be themselves. I know some of the things that we say are ignorant but at least they have some sort of meaning, unlike the quote above which has absolutely no meaning. Just try to stay within your limits. Within your limits.

There is a lot of sensible African Americans in this country. We have to talk to our people and find ways to get them out of their struggles and not saying, doing, or repeating dumb shit that will follow us even the president candidate. Whom one old crazy white lady called him a “An Inadequate Black Man.” not really because she knows Obama, (I don’t even think he knows anything about him) she is saying this I believe because he’s black and she’s probably seen black people who aren’t as intelligent as Obama do stupid shit so she will lump him into all the rest. Let’s save our people…from dumb shit.

Next Week: We will go after the Hispanic or Spanish community, Asians, and probably also.

Umm Why do you think you're better than us again??

White people you need to have a convention and gather up all your ignorant buddies with you and have me as a moderator just in case you guys plan on plotting something. You have to explain to your people that you are not better than anybody else just cause you are white. That is just dumb. You have justified this in many different ways in history. You’ve taken Africans, because they were not ‘civilized’ and ‘savages’. You have taken Indian land and brought up the same things. I do not understand why many of you guys have taken the route of being “better” than others. There have been many books and movies making Indians out to look like savages who all they did was kill. They only resorted to violence because the United States Government during that day ( I truly doubt there were in black people even close to being in charge) wanted to take their lands through any means necessary. In South Africa, the Apartheid tried to keep the African population “caged” in on townships while the white population (small in numbers) took over the important mining areas and made Africans work for little pay. And all this was justified by basically saying that we are better than you and more civilized. How do you figure that you are more civilized than others? Because you have books saying that you more civilized than other people. I do not think that is the consensus of everybody else in the planet that you are better. And the ignorant white people of today (those white power people and others) this is for you.

I was watching this documentary about people who live in their backwoods and all that and they complain about how all black people do is eat fried chicken and watermelon. And a couple of minutes later I see the same people cooking fried chicken and cutting pieces of watermelon together this is no joke. Also how I can wake up at 5:30am when Bojangles is open and see all these white people eating fried chicken? So only black people eat chicken? There is nothing wrong with eating chicken and I don’t really know why people just say that’s all black people eat. Soo I eat chicken and you do too.

“Everybody wants to be a n**** but nobody wants to be a n****.”
- Paul Mooney

“Did he just called us Niggers??? Awesome!!”
- Dave Chappelle skit when he was Clayton Bigsby and he mistaken a group of white boys as black people because Clayton heard blasting music

You are better right? Then why do you want to dress and act like the rappers you see on the TV? Some of you want to copy their lives, there were movies talking about such people who act like thugs (I forgot the movie, I know Justin Timberlake was in it), thought they were thugs but in all reality they were borrowing from their parents and did not know what to do when they got in trouble? They did not want the lifestyle when they saw themselves in deep shit. They started talking in their normal voices and crying to their mom to clean it up. How so you want to be black, without actually being black

I think you see the Muslim community as a threat, because they do not care for your rules. They are not going to be easily influenced by your thoughts of superiority. So what is a plan of somebody like Bill O’Reilly: “oh they are prehistoric, let’s bomb the shit out of them.” Prehistoric? Christianity is pretty prehistoric. Islam is one of the youngest religions. We all have to respect that. They only see you as a threat because you are trying to bring your influence into their world. Bringing in McDonalds, Nike shoes, and other western ideas into their world. They have probably (maybe) seen history books of where white people (British and American) have colonized many nations and told people to leave their land and we will put you in “Reservations”. The Muslim community is not going to have that because they know you are not better than them.

I don’t want to be mean, because I like white people. I don’t have a problem with most of them. Just tell some of your population to calm themselves down, because when they say they are better than everyone else because they are white. They aren’t only embarrassing themselves they are also embarrassing you.

Black People: You are next, I am going to explain to you, why some of our ignorant population justifies the thinking of white people that they are better than us.

Because I don't want to leave the place....

I decided to buy an Iron Gym at the Bed, Bath, Beyond right behind my apartment complex. I think it is about time. Since the fact that it would not make sense to try and drive up to campus and use the weight rooms there. And the apartment complex is what its called just a fitness center and not a weight room plus I can run outside anyways I hate running on a treadmill, there's nothing really to see or keep your attention so I would be up there for about 15 minutes, get tired of it and then go outside and run for another 15 so I can get 30 minutes in.

So like I said before I got the Iron Gym and so far it's not bad. I can do my usual pull-ups, push-ups on it. I got kind of scared though. I am not the biggest handy man I must say and I put the whole thing together and decided to put it up on my bathroom. At first I thought it was going to break or even worse just fall off and I would bust my ass. However nothing really happened to my surprise and I guess the handy work that I did work for a change. So like it says on the box it is pretty easy to assemble for those who can read instructions at least somewhat well.

I think it is a good thing that I have this. It will keep me inside my place which I am trying to do in my effort of trying to forget the world at large. FIFA can keep me occupied for a while but sometimes you need to get off of that couch and do a couple of push ups to past the time. Plus I can get some more muscle while not even opening my door. I don't want to be huge but I just want to be more leaner then I feel that I am now and apparently it makes you taller according to Aaron (I am not even going to say how ridiculous that is unless I start getting taller then I will believe him). The thing is that I know it is going to take some time and sometimes I am rather impatient but I think I got enough time to wait it out. I'll update you in 30 days to let ya know how it is going. And maybe just maybe I could be that guy on the commercial.

"In just 30 days, I turned from a flabby man to a lean, mean, fighting machine."
- Any type of commercial talking about either muscle gain or weight loss you pick.

A nice long lazy Sunday...

After Saturday night in which I had a game and went out with a couple of the guys on the adult league team. I set up shop at my place for the entire day today. It was kind of relaxing for a change to just be in my place. Playing some video games, Doing some reading for my classes and listening to some good music. The only reason why I am currently online right now was to really write this. Then once I am done I will get back to the virtual world of FIFA for a little longer before I go to sleep.

I have started this book called the "Miko Kings". It is for my Native American History class. It is an interesting book, the setting is at Oklahoma and it talks about the story of the Miko Kings, one of the greatest Indian Baseball teams of all time. Also it discusses more of the struggles that the late 19th and early 20th century Indian had to go through. I have just started it and hopefully I can finish it by the end of wednesday so I can begin writing a paper on it. Ha! Of course I only read when I need to.

FIFA has taken over my life. Which is a good thing really. I don't have to worry and think about people that much. Especially the people that don't really care much for me. I would usually spend my time on facebook and AIM trying to see how other people are doing, which I should just be worrying what I am doing and the ones that care will show it. Anyways me and Aaron had another one of our battles on FIFA today. I am not going to try to get too much into or somebody might get mad (it might be me or it might be him, you'll never know.) Then once I got done with that I got back to my manager mode and played a couple of games in that before deciding to read the book that I just talked about. I am finding FIFA much easier then how I've found it before. I have avoided the 4-0 beat downs that plagued me earlier and now I've been able to ball out all the time.

Today overall was a good day. I didn't waste any money on gas or food. I got a little cleaning done and even though I hardly talked to anyone. I feel like I accomplished alot today without even opening my door. I might have to do this more often and also disconnect my computer so I won't have the temptation to get on it. Hmm, that might be a little hard even for me.

This week, I will probably only do two posts. Trying not to ram lots of info down your throats. So I decided to take it easy on the blog posting. The first one I will discuss is about Halloween on Franklin Street and how it is a joke and the second one will be my first edition on my war against ignorance. So now I will get on facebook one last time tonight and I'm Out! Peace

War against Ignorance (i mean race)

Next Week, I am starting my imaginary war against the races (black, white, hispanic, asian, whomever) and I am not trying to be malicious. I just want people to open their eyes to what each of our people are doing to themselves. With the stuff they do, it makes us look very bad. I remember one time in a soccer game somebody was calling me the N word with everybody watching and everything and saying that I couldn’t do shit because I was black and all kinds of nonsense, if you must know I scored on him seconds later, anyway after the game some of the guys were like “I’m sorry you have to deal with that It kind of makes me feel embarrassed about my race.” I know that the sensible ones of us have all said that same thing when someone says or does something ignorant and stupid. So I want to point out some of the ignorant and stupid things that they do and the points I might make isn’t for everyone in that race. It is for the few and ignorant who brings all of our people down.

I’ll start with this as my intro, I don’t like dealing with race. Why do we have to classify each and everyone of us. Just because we have a different shade of skin? A person should not be strictly judge on the color of the skin rather than if they are qualified or not. If the black man doesn’t get a job over the white man it should have to deal with whether that man is more qualified than the other. And vice versa, I think Affrimative Action is good sometimes but I don’t think a black man should get a job who is less qualified then a white person. However if they are equal or better then…

“If it is equal, then f*ck em, you had a 200 year headstart motherf*cka.”
-Chris Rock

I believe that we should get rid of these roles of race in our society because they only lead to trouble, but since it is impossible to do that because everyone thinks they are better than everyone else then I have no choice to make fun of each and everyone of you.

White people: you are on deck.